Keep Your Head Above and Swim
by islandgirl123
Summary: In real life, getting caught between two sisters wasn't as fun as Mark thought it was. The situation was far too damaged to be repaired.
1. Chapter 1

**Keep Your Head Above and Swim**

Fuck.

Meredith had every reason in the world to panic right now but somehow she narrowed it down to three. One, there was a familiar arm wrapped around her waist. Two, there was a naked body beside her under the blanket. Three, this man was not Derek. He was not Derek _at all_.

His musky scent was intoxicating; to the point she wanted to live the last night all over again. His chiseled features were amazing and incredibly hot. His ability to make any girl---single or otherwise---swoon was enough for her to rip off her pants. Why, oh dear god, why did she find Mark Sloan so irresistible?

She tried to reach down to check if she was actually fully naked. Holy mother of all things beautiful, she was wearing her birthday suit and if she just looked on the floor she would see shreds of her clothes ripped in anticipation. She tried to squirm out of his strong grasp but he only held on tighter, she was petite in relation to his size, it was the benefits of working out.

He stirred and she could feel him slowly waking up. Every contact felt as if hey body was scorching and strangely, she enjoyed it. He pulls her closer and buries his head in her hair, as she tries not to scream. His nose goes deeper and suddenly his grip loosens and his face pulls back. Meredith winces and that didn't go unnoticed by Mark.

"You could have looked at the hair. I'm blonde so it's painfully obvious." Meredith whispered. She avoids facing him so she just looks down at the remaining space beside her.

"You're not Lexie." He breathes. He runs his hands through his hair and rips off the blanket. He pulls it back on once he knows that he too is naked. He sits upright in the bed and looks at her. Her eyes meet his gaze and she pulls up the blanket self-consciously.

"You're not Derek." She replies rather calmly.

"How the hell did this happen?!" He screams jumping out of bed.

"Tequila. Lots and lots of tequila." Meredith says as she shakes her head painfully, feeling the effects of a hangover. "We need to fix this."

"You think I don't know that?!" Mark shouts at a painfully loud level. "You think I just really want to say, 'Hey Lex, I slept with your sister last night. Want to come over tonight to get it on?'" He says, sarcasm laced in his voice.

"You're not the only one with a significant other… or ex-significant other… if you remember. Mine is your brother slash best friend and you've known him much longer, I tell you that my situation's a lot worse." Meredith says soberly.

"How did this happen?" He repeats. He breathes deeply, finally taking in his surroundings. They both were in a hotel room; that he knew because it was almost the same as the one he stayed in before Lexie happened. His clothes were tossed on the floor like some sort of useless tool. He looked at Meredith and for the first time since he woke up, he noticed that she was naked. Why the hell did that turn him on?!

Events of the night flooded to her face. He was aware of this action because it brought upon sadness then finally, lust on her face. "Derek…"

"Derek?" She says in disbelief.

_He quickly pulls away from the red haired neonatal surgeon, he looks up at Meredith guiltily. "Mer… I can explain."_

_The stairwell was supposed to be her place, not her boyfriend's and whoever he fooled around with. "I suspected something. I thought it was nothing , just the fact that George died and you were giving me space by hanging out with your ex-wife. I thought it was nothing Derek!" She says storming off down the stairs._

_Derek quickly catches up with her and pulls her hand towards him. "It was…"_

_"Why did you do it? I trusted you!" She exclaims, throwing her hands in the air. "I trusted you and what did I get?!"_

_"Fuck Mer… I'm so sorry." He says shame-facedly. He looks at her questioningly, asking her what she's going to do next._

_"That's not enough Derek. That's not enough." She says trying to make him let go of her arm but he just holds on tighter. "With your ex-wife! With your beautiful, successful, smart ex-wife. Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel well. Tell me Derek, did you sleep with her too?" She says sarcastically._

_"No! Of course not Meredith! It was just a kiss!" He says._

_"The first kiss? I haven't seen you in weeks Derek. You haven't been home in weeks, we haven't even spent time together since the day George… died!" She says, choking on the thought. "I thought you were being a noble boyfriend and giving me some time to clear my head, then now I realize that the time away from me was used to fondle with your ex-wife." She shouts angrily._

_"It's not the first kiss Meredith, but nothing else has happened. I swear" He looks at her and he sees she's about to cry. Her hand slaps his cheek with so much force that he has to back away._

_"Why do you actually sound disappointed? No under the top action for Dr. Shepherd?" She says bitterly._

_"I never meant to hurt you!" He says angrily._

_"Wow, well you did. You did hurt me Derek. I thought you were it, we were supposed to be bounded together even if it was by a stupid post-it! You were supposed to be faithful!" Meredith exclaims, tears already running down her cheeks._

_"I'm so sorry." He says pulling her closer to him pathetically._

_"Sorry won't do it this time Derek. I've given you chances; I've waited and got hurt by you so many times. I can't forgive and forget. Not again."_

_"You may forgive but you never forget Meredith! You never forget." He snaps. "You keep it all bottled up so you can use it against me."_

_"That's what you don't understand Derek! That's what you don't get. I can't just forget that you had a wife you never told me about. I can't just forget you walked away from me when you told me you weren't going to leave. I can't forget that you chose your wife over me and made me a dirty mistress! I can't forge that you chose your nurse over me." She says breathlessly. "I can't forget that you called me a whore."_

_"Meredith." He says. "I know I've done pretty bad things.."_

_"Pretty bad? Seriously? Fuck Derek, you told me to take a rest on fate! You told me to put all in and I did, I trusted you, I gave you my heart and you kiss the nearest person from your past." She says painfully. "I used to think I was all that mattered to you, apparently not. It's over between us Derek." She says. "It's over. Get your things out of my house."_

_"Mer.. please, just let me explain." He says._

_"There's nothing to explain Derek. You kissed her, we're over. God, I'm really glad we weren't really married." She says, the comment stung him more than her slap did. "That would have been really heavy on my bills." She laughs bitterly._

_"I love you. I need you Meredith." He says desperately.._

_"You should have thought of that before you kissed Addison ." She says right before she runs for the door._

_She's aware that people are watching. She's aware that now, this makes her the most talked about person in Seattle Grace. She's aware that all people are going to say is Karma's a bitch. All she cares about now though is to get to the locker room and as far away from Derek Shepherd as possible._

_Yet she could hear his footsteps getting closer and closer. She runs into the room and heads toward her cubby._

_Her cubby was messy, with the clothes she was wearing that morning and leftover food for her snack but it was distinguishable because of the framed, blue piece of paper at the end._

_She doesn't even notice Bailey and Alex in the room who are looking at her in concern, she smashes the frame to the ground and they all can hear the glass break. She rips the note to shreds and hastily throws it into the trash can._

_"Meredith…" Bailey says, knowing the importance of that piece of paper._

_For the first time, she notices their presence. Bailey looks pitying and Alex just looks furious, as the door opens quickly she notices the Dreamy---ex-dreamy—surgeon walk in. Alex walks up to him and punches him square in the face. Derek gives out a small gasp. Meredith covers her mouth but doesn't make a move to help her ex-boyfriend._

_"I didn't see anything." Bailey says, slowly stepping over Shepherd and walks out the door._

_Meredith collapses against the wall as she watches Alex scream curses at Derek, she looks like a mess and she's aware of that, but now all she can do is sleep._

_Meredith wakes up in an on-call room on the surgical floor. She looks around and she sees the sleeping plastic surgeon snoring away on the edge of her bed. She gives him a little kick and he shrugs awake._

_#*()!#&!_

_"What are you doing here?" She asks sleepily, not quite remembering what happened earlier._

_"I heard what happened." He says, apologizing._

_Suddenly, everything flashes back to Meredith's mind. She feels her stomach feel empty again and her breath gets caught in her throat. It's not the usual feeling she gets when she thinks about Derek, she usually feels joy instead of anger and all she would want to do is smile. But now, she just feels like emptying out her stomach._

_"Okay… I guessed that much." She says._

_"Alex brought you here, he told me what happened and he went out to….I guess, he went out to sort out things with Derek. He said you wouldn't want to be alone." He says nervously._

_"You know what I really want?" Meredith says, getting up and straightening out her clothes._

_"What's that?" He says as he gives his McSteamy smirk that she finds actually… hot._

_"A drink." She smiles and walks towards the door, he raises his eyebrow in surprise and looks at her amusedly. She looks back at him and meets his stare. "Are you coming or what?" She giggles, suddenly feeling the urge to get wasted and sleep with inappropriate men. Right now, Mark's the top of her list as inappropriate._

_Mark quickly stands up and opens the door for her, and both of them leave the hospital in laughs._

"Oh fucking shit." Meredith cusses as she wraps the bed sheet around her and looks for her underwear in the discarded pile on the floor.

"We got talking… we drank… I have no memory of ever kissing you." Mark mumbles, more to himself than to her. He quickly takes his eyes off her body before he gets an ailment only a cold shower can fix.

"We were in an alcohol induced haze. If we weren't, you would damn well remember. I am memorable." She says, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Lexie is your sister!" He exclaims, as if coming to a realization.

"You think I don't know that?! You think I don't know what I'm doing to her!? What I'm doing to George's best friend?" She snaps. "You think I don't know what I'm doing to Derek?! He'll be devastated Mark!" She yells, throwing one hand in the air, for the other is unsuccessfully trying to cover her breasts.

"Calm down dammit! We're going to fix this." He sighs. "We _have _to fix this."

"What the hell do you suggest we do?" She retorts. "The only way they'll ever forgive us is if we jump off the building right now!"

"We have to tell them." He stated, feeling a lump rise in his throat.

"Are you crazy?!" She screams. "Have you even _met_ Derek?! Do you know what he'll do to you?! You've stole another one of his girls!" She shouts. She starts pulling up her pants in a sad attempt to get dressed. Eventually, he does the same. But no one takes their mind off the topic at hand, he knew very well what Derek would do to the both of them if he found out that Mark slept with Meredith.

"I thought you and Derek broke up." He states coldly.

"Then ex-girls. But you know how possessive Derek gets! I'm going to have to deal with that!" She screams, her voice equally as cold. The room is surprisingly hot, must have something to do with the electricity coming off of their bodies. Still, Meredith couldn't even bring herself to look at Mark because every time she does, the feeling of regret washes away and she actually thinks she's doing the right thing.

"We have to tell them Meredith." He frowns angrily. "They will never forgive us."

"Lexie will! Lexie loves you! And you probably love her!" She exclaims. "It's not so hard for you, but when he comes for me, its death to my career!"

"He loves you." Mark says painfully, he wonders why just saying that made him sick to his stomach.

"No." She says stubbornly. "He never loved me; he loved the idea of me." She sighs. "There's a big difference."

"Trust me, I would know." Mark says shaking his head. "But don't you want to do the more honorable thing?" He says as his voice cracks. Fear was rarely a feeling that came over him, he felt that know and he was positive it wasn't because of Derek's or Lexie's reaction to their late night rendezvous.

"Mark she's my sister. That sure as hell means a lot to her, that fact means a lot to me. I've given her hell and I don't want to make this the cherry on top." She sighs. "We're doing this to protect them, that is honorable."

"No it's not!" He shouts. "We're not doing the right thing. They deserve to know. They deserve to choose for themselves if they want to spend every minute of their lives with us. They need to know, we _need_ to tell them."

"There isn't any other way is there." She says. She sits on the bed and finally, her eyes meet his. He gets lost in her dark pools of gray, he thinks she's going to cry and in his mind, he wills her not to. "If you love someone that much, you'd give them the opportunity to chose. I can't fight against that."

"I thought you didn't love him." Mark says.

"Are you kidding?" She scoffs coolly. "I gave up everything for him, my career, my life, my house, sometimes even my friends and now my dignity. I gave that all to him and he threw it away like it didn't mean anything." She says.

"It's not your fault you know."

"Oh, I know it's not my fault that he kept hurting me, it's my fault that I _let_ him continue." Meredith says.

Mark now fully understands the extent of Derek's damage. He wasn't used to the quiet and vulnerable Meredith Grey. Derek was no longer the Knight in shining armor he always made out to be. Derek was scum and Mark longed to make him pay. "He may be a brilliant surgeon, but he's not even half the person you are, Grey. You made him who he was, he can't function without you."

Meredith wipes away the tears. "It's too late now though." She says, attempting---and failing--- to give a smile. "He made it clear when he pushed me away." She says. She stands up and heads out the door. Once again, he watches her intently in hopes she'll call for him.

But she doesn't. She turns around to face him but keeps her distance. "Goodbye Mark." She smiles.

"Goodbye Grey." He replies. She walks out and shuts the door behind her. All he can hear now is the pitter patter of the rain on the window. He lies back down on the bed and puts his hands under his head, after a few minutes he gets back up again and looks out the window.

He sees a familiar figure hailing a cab on a rainy morning in Seattle. Mark finally whispers, "He doesn't deserve you."

!)#*&#&!*#

After successfully avoiding each other all week, Mark and Meredith were exhausted.

Mark has barely seen Lexie and weirdly, he was delighted with that fact. They were never together more than ten minutes, finally the gods chose to smile upon him. He's seen Derek, who has a bruised eye which caused every patient to wince and ask for another doctor, even if it wasn't the best. Alex had heaps of praise but the chief had to put him on probation, but everyone knew he wanted to do the same thing to Shepherd himself.

_A little too late _Mark thinks coldly.

Then he sees her. He sees her with the fellow intern, Pierce, the one he's seen her with since George died. He could say that he was insanely jealous since before the incident, but now, he couldn't care any less. If she cheated on him, if she made a fool out of him, he actually deserved it so he turned a blind eye.

They, he and Meredith, had an agreement, if by the end of the week they haven't told their respective partners, the secret would stay buried. Until someone would dig it up that is. He chickens out every minute he finally decides to tell her. He can't live with this guilt, its guilt but its definitely not regret.

She sees him and smiles at him. She excuses herself from the conversation, something he longed for her to do _weeks ago_.

"Hey" She smiles, wrapping her arms around his torso. He tenses up and she's still oblivious to his coldness and edgy behavior.

"Hey" He somewhat grunts. She lets go of him but still continues talking. "Listen we have to talk."

"I agree" He says, breathing a sigh of relief. "We really, really have to talk."

"So you first?" She giggles. "Or I could go…" She rambles, something her older sister had a tendency of doing.

"No, you go ahead." He says. He might as well be polite, he was going to hurt her beyond imaginable after all.

"Okay, so I really have to apologize." She says guiltily. That only makes Mark feel worse about himself and his situation.

"About what?" He asks.

"I've been really distant lately and I've been hanging out with Pierce a lot. I know that's not exactly good for a man's ego, but I've been avoiding you because I was afraid." She says. "It's been what? Almost a month since we last, really, really talked? It's because everything's been so hectic, George died a month ago then there had to be new arrangements for every intern, what with only three of the good residents left? Anyways…."

He could feel his heart thumping in his chest, thinking what 'hanging out with Pierce' really meant for the both of them.

"Pierce's dad is the chief at Boston General." She continues.

_Okay, what?_

"It's not as great as Seattle Grace but its good and Pierce showed him my form and the works. Pierce's dad said that he'd love to have me work at Boston General." She says before she's cut off by his rude voice.

"What's wrong with Seattle?" Mark asks kindly.

"Nothing, it's just that he offered me a job there. I'd be able to skip two years and if I kept up, I'd be an attending in no time."

"So what's the catch?" He says.

"He said I was going to be a great addition to his staff Mark! He said that I was one of the best he's seen—well heard about since his own time! He hasn't even said that to his son, Mark." She says. "They don't even notice me here! Christina never lets me in surgeries, the others could care less. This is a big step Mark and I don't want to do it without you. I told him and he said he could have you as head of Plastics there."

"I love you Mark. I know you're not the type to say it back but I love you, and where do I see myself in twenty years? I see myself with an amazing career, with you by my side. I need you Mark, not in the way you think. I'm not using you as a stepping stone for my career. _You're my life _Mark." She sighs. "And I really, really don't want anything more than us to work." She looks at him and he doesn't feel any spark. He doesn't feel like getting lost in her eyes like he did at the beginning of the week with Meredith. He doesn't feel the electricity that was running up and down his body when he even saw Meredith approach him.

"So my point is" She pauses to grasp his hand. "My point is, I'm thinking of accepting and I want you to come with me."


	2. Chapter 2

O Mark accepted Lexie's offer. She waited two days for his answer and on the second day, they called the chief of Boston General together. He held her hand supportively, just like what any boyfriend would do. Except on the inside, he felt empty and incomplete.

He wasn't complete without her.

It was a quick smile that made him realize he felt something for Meredith Grey that he shouldn't have. She seemed supportive and happy enough for his move and her sister's new career path. He pulled her in an on-call room to tell her the news. She was surprised, but maintained calmness.

"I don't want you to find out from anyone else." He had said. She brushes off the hair that has fallen to her eyes and forces an incomplete smile.

"So we're not going to tell them." She replied.

"Yes." He said. "I guess so."

"That's good." She nods, obviously thinking about something. She looks back up at him and for a second there, he could see sadness in her eyes. "That's what we planned."

"Listen Grey…" He started. "I… love Lexie. I can't hurt her, I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anyone."

Meredith feels a twinge of hurt and anger, but she slowly stomachs it like she should have. "Yeah, of course." She smiles.

"Thanks." He said as he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sure. Good luck Mark." She finally says and walks out the door. She doesn't leave without her signature smile. A smile that shouldn't have captivated him but did.

Her calmness and carefulness around him was a front. Except he didn't know that.

%#*&

The day they both left was a sad one, for almost the same reasons. Lexie was leaving behind her first, official job and the family she claimed. She was leaving her past that was George, her mother and her father.

The moment Mark saw Meredith made him feel like it was the right thing to do. He saw her with Derek pressing his lips to hers and it seemed as if she enjoyed the bittersweet kiss. He breaks the intense moment with a cough. They pull away from each other abruptly and Meredith looks violated. He chose to not mind her many expressions instead.

"Shep, Grey" He nodded. "I'm heading off. Why not see your friend off for old time's sake?" He smirked.

"Yeah…" Derek began. "We'll see you there Mark." He said, obviously begging for some privacy.

"Oh." Mark sighed. He looks at Meredith and she seems as if she's begging him to take her too. He chose to ignore it, they can't be anything more than… colleagues. "Okay. I'll see you out there in a few minutes. Grey, Lexie wants you to see her off."

Derek glared at Mark for wasting thirty seconds of his precious time. He glances at Meredith with a hungry glare but Meredith turns away. Mark nodded and he walks out the door.

He's too far off in his mind to hear her slap echo in the stairwell. He walked off and once he turned around the corridor, he bumped into his very flustered girlfriend.

"Mark!" Lexie cried. She gave him a hug he couldn't return. All he could give her was a little squeeze. "Aren't you excited? Well, I'm kind of scared too but it's a big step. So are you?" She mumbled.

"Yeah." He said, smiling. "I'm excited. Boston seems…nice."

"It's amazing, you're just going to adore Boston ! We spent all our summers there when I was a kid. I never got the chance to go back." She said sadly. "But now I'm going with you! Isn't that great?"

Mark shuffled nervously from foot to foot. He's not interested in Boston , why would you if you lived in New York for most of your life? Seattle was even more appealing than Boston at the moment. "It's going to be great." He smiled.

"I know it is!" She said, she kissed him lightly on the cheek. Right at that moment Meredith and Derek emerge from the stairwell. Derek has a cold and clear look in his eyes.

Panic arises in Mark's chest. Did she tell him? "Mer!" Lexie said. She ran up to her sister and hugs her.

Like Mark, Meredith can't be anything except shocked. "Lexie." She smiled conveniently. Their eyes can't meet; maybe it's because of the guilt or the sexual tension between them.

"You're going to visit right?" Lexie said. "You're going to have to. If anything happens… you know. I'd want you to be there."

"Listen, maybe we should let Derek and Mark talk for a while. Then we can… discuss things." Meredith brought up.

Mark looked at her. He's shocked; did she really want to get away from him that bad? Apparently she did.

"Good idea, I bet Mark can't live without Derek!" Lexie says teasingly.

Was she wrong on that… Mark thought. Derek's reputation sunk in his eyes. With the way he treated Meredith, it was well earned for him to be beat up.

The girls walk away and they leave the boys alone to talk. "So…" Derek said, attempting to break the ice. "You and Lexie huh. This is serious."

"Yeah. She's important." Mark said bluntly.

"You thinking about moving the next step soon?" Derek said awkwardly.

Mark choked on the thought. "You mean marriage?" He asked. Derek simply nods. "I don't know yet, man. It's a little too soon don't you think?" He smiled.

"You're moving to a different state for her. She means a lot then." Derek said.

He's moving to a different state for her, so obviously she meant a lot. Except the she he was referring to wasn't the one Derek had in mind. "Yeah… we're ready when we're ready."

"Look, all of that stuff? The Addison things are in the past. Consider yourself forgiven." Derek smiled.

Mark feels his stomach empty. "Thanks man… That means a lot." He sighed.

"Have a good life Mark." Derek smiled. He moves towards Mark and gives him a hug. Mark had to fight the urge to hit him. "You deserve it."

Definitely not what he deserved.

&$^*(#(8

It was a week after they officially moved and Mark Sloan was already bored.

Lexie had found new friends and he was too lazy to make conversation with nurses. The new hospital was welcoming, it was nice and patient.

Exactly the reason he was bored.

He tried hitting every bar on his own. Aside from being shamelessly flirted with, he hadn't had any fun at all. He intended to stay faithful to Lexie so he didn't even have the chance to eye the blonde girl at the bar that looked too much like her.

Museums definitely weren't his thing, but he went with Lexie because he was trying to be nice and patient and well, boring. The Institute of Contemporary Art had him yawning once he reached the second painting.

After that unbelievably dull session of art, he was at the flat next to theirs with Lexie. They both we're trying really hard to enjoy their time in Boston , but Lexie couldn't because Mark seemed like he didn't want anything more than to go home. The flat's owners were Cherry and Sam Rocamora. They were the pottery barn type, that obvious with the décor hanging in their living room. But the two were the only friends Lexie shared with Mark.

"You're bored" Lexie stated.

"Yes." He answered truthfully, running his fingers into his hair. Lexie smiled up at him and snuggles closer.

"Please don't be." She sighed. "I hate it when I'm making you unhappy."

"It's not your fault. I'll probably get used to the new atmosphere in a while." He replied. "Not your fault."

He grabs her hand and intertwines his fingers with hers. She smiles at the gesture. "This thing makes me happy." She whispered.

"I want to make you happy. That's why I'm trying." He said. It's not a lie.

"Mark, please?" Lexie asked.

"Please what?" He said quite gruffly.

"Just… act interested. These people are our friends." She said, trying to smile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Rocamora live in the flat beside us. That makes us neighbors, not friends." Mark said sarcastically.

Lexie rolled her eyes. Things weren't as interesting as they were before but she wanted to make things work. "Well, they invited us over for dinner. Please, just be nice." She laughed, it was fake he noted that. "If you don't want to be here… just tell me." She said, noticing his glance.

"I want to be here." He lied, grasping her hands. "I'm sorry. I just miss home and Derek." And Meredith. He thought to himself. "That's all." He sighed.

"Thanks for telling me." She smiled. "I was beginning to think it was me."

It is you, it's your fault for not being her. Mark thinks. "I'm sorry."

"You're making a big effort. I appreciate that Mark." She sighed. "Don't think I don't notice that."

"Thanks." He said.

"I love you." She replied.

Silence filled the room.

*#*()$*)*)

He's almost forgotten about her.

Almost.

His reputation wasn't the best one. He was mean and sarcastic with everyone except Lexie, because he believed she was the only one that mattered. Its been a month now and their relationship had definitely progressed. He was more open to her and nicer. He no longer gave the half remarks he would have on any other occasion. He always was sweet and kind with her as if he were her wife.

He was thinking about popping the question, but it had only been a month since they moved and had not yet tested the waters they were going to have to eventually dive into. They haven't had the fight that showed him he loved her but slowly, day by day he could see he was really starting to care about Lexie Grey.

She was the resident to watch. She was the pride and joy of the hospital and of the chief. She was receiving so much attention that would have pried her away from Mark, but she always made it a habit to bring him his coffee or lunch. Everyone loved Lexie Grey, she was sweet and honest and nobody could hate her because she was that nice but not everyone approved of her fast forming relationship with the infamous man whore who definitely didn't look like he had her priorities straight.

Mark didn't mind those hateful glares that were sent his way. He was used to it and sometimes, he definitely thought he deserved it. He almost always thought he didn't deserve her but she was always surprising him one was or another that he couldn't imagine life without Lexie.

"Can you believe it?" Lexie screams, wrapping her arms around Mark's neck. She pushes her lips against his and he happily returns the sweet kiss.

"Believe what?" He smiles lightly and kisses her forehead.

"We've been here for only a month and I've been getting heaps of praise." Lexie giggles. "That means the world to me!" She stands beside him as they walk in synchronization. She's received jealous glares and angry stares over the past month they've been in Boston , for dating the hot, experienced Plastics attending and being one of the most praised surgeons in the hospital.

"Well you've been working incredibly hard." He smiles. He stops and lifts her chin to make her eyes meet his. The childish blush creeps up Lexie's cheeks once more. "I can say I'm a little bit jealous since you're getting all the attention." He smirks and looks forward again.

"Don't worry. You're my staring man." She laughs and grips his hand tightly.

"Why thank you Dr. Grey." He smiles. "At least I have your approval." He says.

A frown immediately flies to her face and she stops and looks at Mark. "They don't hate you!" She says, referring to the situation they had yet to deal with.

"Yeah." Mark says rolling his eyes. "They just look at me angrily whenever I walk into the room for the sake of it. Face it Lex, your friends hate me. They think I'm the man whore that's taking advantage of their friend." He states.

"You're not taking advantage of me! I want to be with you." She smiles reassuringly. "I want you, nobody else."

Mark nods, his mind else where. "I want to be the right guy for you Lex." He says solemnly. "I really do, I'm trying so hard."

"Now this is what they should see. You're not hard and mean, you're just so sweet and cuddly!" She teases. "But seriously Mark, your effort should receive a ton of praise. I'm sorry that I haven't been doing the best I can."

Mark shrugs lightly. "You know what praise I really love?" He smirks.

"I know your favorite kind." She smiles mischievously.

"You are a dirty, dirty girl Dr. Grey." He smirks again. "And for that, you should definitely be punished." He quips.

"If by punishment you mean sex, it would be a terribly good reward." She says, pulling him into an empty on-call room.

He was definitely forgetting about her.

#($^#*$&)3!*(#

It was a month and a half since they left Seattle and things were going better than he planned. They had friends and he managed to be a little well-liked by the people in the hospital. She was on her way to be a hot shot surgeon. They had no denying their constant adoration for one another.

He loved Lexie Grey.

Lexie came home from the hospital. She came home to a house that smelt of candles and delicious lasagna. It was Mark's day off so he had every second of the day to prepare for the moment.

Lexie on the other hand just came home from an exhausting case; a baby barely old enough to breathe on its own was born today with extensive heart damage. It was emotionally exhausting for her to see the baby trying to fight for her life while many competent doctors tried to save her. She couldn't bare see the breaking down new mother who looked like she had just given up on the world and on herself and god because they had made her a mother to one of the most sick babies in the country.

She wanted to take care of the baby, bring it home to her loving boyfriend and nurse it back to health with love instead of medicine and tubes. She wanted to watch the baby sleep with her chest slowly moving up and down with her healthy breathing. She wanted to pull the baby closer to herself and make her know that she's safe and nothing could harm her now.

Lexie Grey wanted to be a mother.

She plopped down on the couch in their large apartment and exhaustingly clapped her hands for his attention. Mark walked to her happily and sat down on the seat beside her. She leaned into his back and he drew his arm around her shoulder. "Tired?" He asks.

"Super tired." She answers. "And what makes it worse? You're here smelling like you've just taken a shower plus the lasagna I know you've been cooking and I smell like vomit and sick people and hospital." She says scrunching up her nose. Mark smiles at her in response. "I'm sorry if I'm too tired to clean up." She sighs heavily.

"I could get messy for you if you like." He offers, twirling his finger in her hair.

"I'd love that but right now, could you just stay here with me?" She asks sleepily.

"Of course Lex." He smiles. "Unless you want food…" He chuckles.

Lexie groans and frowns at him. "Food sounds great, but lifting a spoon feels like too much effort right now." She mumbles. "Talking is the only physical activity I can handle right now."

Mark smiles at the innuendo. "Then let's just talk, I'm up for that." He shrugs. "How was your day?"

"Tiring." She sighs.

"Aside from that." He laughs, pulling her closer to him.

"There was this terrible case, a baby girl…" She says telling him about the tragic case she had. Once she finished she found tears on her cheeks. "I didn't know what to do Mark. I didn't know how to help her."

"You're a doctor; you can only do so much." He says soothingly. "You're not god. You don't control these things."

"I just wanted to hold her you know?" She says, encircling her arms around his waist. "Instead of injecting her with fluids, I wanted to bring her to my chest and sing her to sleep." She sighs. She looks up at him adoringly and he smiles at her nervously.

"What are you saying?" He asks.

"I guess… I want kids Mark. I want to feel like I can protect them and…" She stops once she sees the shocked look on his face. "I understand if you don't feel the same way." She says quietly. "That's just me."

"No. It's not that I don't want kids. I was just shocked that you wanted them this early…" He says.

"We've been dating for about a year Mark." She snaps.

"That's not what I mean. I meant early in your career. I thought you'd want to finish your residency at least before all of this would start." He asks. "It's tough being a parent and a doctor at the same time. It's not fair for the kid. I would know Lex."

"I'm sorry. I just… kids would make me really happy you know?" She sighs.

"If that's really what you want then sure. I don't doubt that you'll be a great mom, its just that the stress can be pretty bad sometimes." He says. "For the both of us."

"I know, but we love each other right?" She asks.

He nods unconsciously. "I love you, I know that."

"I love you too." She smiles. "Anyways, if we love each other we'll love this kid. We can't go wrong with that." She sighs looking at their interlaced fingers.

"Yeah, I guess." He nods.

"Then we can get through this, we'll be good parents." She says.

"We don't know that Lexie." He says, shaking his head at her expression.

"We are. I know we are. We're both committed and we don't fool around." She smiles. "At least not anymore."

"That doesn't make us good parents." He protests. Lexie looks at his face and searches for some sort of answer for his defensiveness.

"There's no proof we're going to be bad ones. We're going to love this child and we'll do our best." She says quietly. "I've seen you. I've seen you be so kind to the kids at the hospital; I see the way you look at them. You've been so great to me Mark. What makes me think you're not going to be great to our kid?"

"Because I'm a bad man Lexie." He says memories of Seattle and New York rushing to his head. "You don't deserve a man like me."

"You're right. I don't. I don't know what I did to deserve such a great man like you Mark. But when I look at you, I think I've done something right for once. We're all flawed but you're not a bad man." She says kindly. "I love you."

"So we're going to try." He grins.

"I'd like that."

"So do I." He replies kissing her neck. "How about we skip food and start now?" He smirks. "Unless you're tired of course." He grins goofily.

"Are you asking me to sleep with you Mark Sloan?" She grins back.

"Make love is the more appropriate term but sure." He shrugs, "I'm up for it if you are." He laughs.

"Then lets get baby making!" She grins.

He carries her into their bedroom and their night had just begun.

#$(#($

Mark woke up to a dark day. The sun had yet to show itself. He sighs as he watches Lexie's even breathing beside him. He kisses her forehead and stands up. He slowly brings up his boxers and hear her move in bed. He looks behind her and smiles. "Too early babe, I'll be back in a while." He says.

"Come back faster." She mumbles in her sleep. "It's cold without you."

Mark gives out a light chuckle and leaves the room to head for the kitchen, he slowly pours himself a cup of coffee and sits down in front of the window. They had a good view on the city in their apartment. He could already see the people bustling around to get to work.

He looks over at his cell and he sees something that alarms him.

_26 missed calls, 1 new SMS_

He pressed the message open button on his cell. _Call me. Emergency._ It wasn't signed with a name but he was pretty sure he knew who it was. All the calls and the one message were from the same Seattle number. He dials the unfamiliar number and he hears someone answer the phone.

"Hello?" Came a familiar voice.

Mark feels his breath caught in his throat. "It's me." He states simply. "You've called me over twenty times. You definitely want to tell me something." He says coldly.

He can hear soft crying in the opposite end of the phone line. A few minutes later he finds himself asking. "How did this happen?"

Then the next thing he hears is the click of the phone on the other end, signaling that their conversation had just ended.

He takes his head into his hands and leans back and sighs. His life was a mess and this only made it worse. He looks at his phone again and dials another number.

After a minute of conversation he hangs up the phone once more. He puts the phone down and tries to think without his head exploding. A message comes through his phone right on time.

_One or Two plane tickets Seattle bound? _

He replies tiredly. _Two. _


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith had to fight the urge to cry. Mark was treating her as if she had never existed, she had a hole in her stomach that kept all the guilt, and her friends weren't giving her the time of day.

She was walking towards her patient, unsuccessfully trying to take her mind off the issue that laid right in front of her when a muscular arm pulled her into an on-call room.

"What the hell?" Meredith snaps. She was feeling tired, bloated and at the same time sticky because of the vomit she had to clean up.

"I'm moving to Boston, Lexie and I got an amazing job offer." Mark starts. "This is going to be a good thing for her career."

"Wow. That's…" She says.

Mark sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. A move she shouldn't have found sexy but did. "You don't have to approve I'm just telling you." He sighs.

"I don't matter Mark. My opinion would honestly not mean anything to you." She says as a matter-of-factly. "I was a one night stand who happened to be your girlfriend's sister. We---" She says pointing to them both. "Us, never existed if it went by me."

"Stop being a bitch Meredith." He growls angrily.

"I'm sorry if I have to live with the pitiful stares that people send my way. I'm sorry if Derek won't stop harassing me! I'm sorry if I'm a little bit pissed because my life isn't in the correct order right now." She snaps. "I have every right to be a bitch today because my life is seriously fucked up."

"We're friends, we were friends before this." He states. "I remember us having a drink together one or two times."

"We weren't friends, we just shared the same… well, Derek and Lexie. We definitely stopped being friends the moment we… kissed." She says in a disgusting tone. The truth was, she felt the opposite about their encounter. She relived it in her mind over and over again for the past few days.

"Meredith…" He says. "I didn't want you to hear from anyone else." He says quietly.

She forces a rough smile and stomachs in the anger. "So we're not going to tell them."

"Yeah. I guess so." Mark says quietly.

A million thoughts are running in her head right now, the fact that she's sad that Mark was leaving or the fucking fact that he was leaving disappointed herself.

The next thing she knew, he was walking out the door and she felt herself collapse onto the mattress and curl into a ball.

!(#(*#_#$

Christina was too busy with her own messed-up love life with Owen and Alex and Izzie had issues to deal with on there own. Izzie was in remission which made absolutely everyone happy, except Meredith didn't find herself at the party at the hospital that night.

Instead she found herself at Joe's downing four shots of tequila.

"I think she's had enough." A gruff voice says as an arm snatches away the cup before it meets her lips. "Thanks Joe." The man says.

"I wasn't done!" Meredith slurs and turns to Mark with an angry glare that didn't scare him at all. "I was on my fourth! One more please!" She says.

"You should be in there." He nodded towards the hospital. "You should be celebrating with Lexie and Bailey and Stevens that she's going to be fine."

"I'll do what I want to do. America's a free country, right Joe?" She says giggling.

"You're hurting her." Mark says angrily. She just looks at him with disgust and he sees the fire in her eyes.

"She'll understand." Meredith says stubbornly. "It's my business and I recommend you to stay out of it."

"She's your goddamn friend!" Mark answers back, hitting the bar startling everyone in the proximity.

"Which one are you talking about?" Meredith whispers, only allowing him to hear. "Lexie or Izzie because I bet both of them will be disappointed in me."

"You're better than this Meredith." He growls. "You know better than to drink this much on a work night."

"I know better than to sleep with my sister's boyfriend. I did it. That proves I don't know anything." She hisses. "Nothing at all."

"You need to get out of this bar." Mark says pulling her off of the stool. Meredith hits his chest in anger but he manages to pull her outside the building.

He sees that she has tears running down her cheeks and he places his hand there, attempting to wipe away the sadness. "Please don't cry." He whispers.

Meredith pushes his hand away and walks into the Seattle rain with muffled sobs coming out of her.

Mark doesn't have the courage to follow her.

&#)$^

The next day couldn't come any quicker, with everyone tired with last night's celebration or in Meredith and Mark's case, last night's fiasco everyone went to sleep in seconds once their head hit the bed.

"I need to talk to you." Derek says pulling her in an empty stairwell.

"Let go!" Meredith snaps. "Let go Derek!" She says to no prevail.

Once they're both alone, he starts grinning. "You always did have tiny, ineffectual fists." He laughs lightly.

Meredith on the other hand, is no longer amused. "You have five seconds Derek. Five seconds to say what you want to say until I knee you in your crotch." She hisses.

"I love you Meredith." He begs. "I love you and I can't live without you, I need you to forgive me because you mean so much." He sighs.

"You kissed your wife!" She says throwing her hands in the air. "How does that show that you loved me!"

"I love you. I still do, not past tense." He corrects. "I never meant to hurt you but I said that already so all I can do is apologize and wait until you forgive me."

"That's going to take a hell lot of time Derek." Meredith says.

"I can wait." He smirks. He pushes his lips toward hers and before they can meet he opens his mouth again. "You love me too." He whispers and finally kisses her.

Their kiss is broken by Mark's cough in the doorway.

Mark's eyes meet hers and she gives an angry glare. She had not forgotten their encounter the day before and she was honestly feeling humiliated. "Shep," He hesitated once he said her name. "Grey, I'm heading off. Why not see your friend off for old time's sake?" He says lightly, trying to ease out and at the same time, understand the tension flowing from the room.

Meredith simply nodded and made a move to the door until Derek subtly stopped her. "Yeah. We'll see you there Mark." He says frowning at Meredith's attempt to leave.

Mark sighs and nods in understanding; he walks out the door and leaves the two alone again.

"You kissed me." Meredith yelled once he left the room. "You kissed me when I told you not to!" She glares.

"You enjoyed it." Derek smirks playfully.

Meredith on the other hand doesn't find it amusing, the next thing she knows her hand has met his cheek and it left a red mark. "No, I enjoyed that." She says angrily.

She stalks out of the room and is greeted by the site of Mark and Lexie. Kissing. She tries to go unnoticed but Lexie has different plans for her so it may seem.

"Mer!" Lexie screams excitedly and offers her half-sister a hug. Meredith begrudgingly accepts it after she receives a glare coming from Mark's direction.

"Lexie" She mumbles. She can still feel Mark's eyes on her. She notices Derek notice the tension between the two and Derek looks at her questioningly. Meredith shrugs it off and faces Lexie again.

She finds Mark looking at her intently and Derek's gaze focused on her face. The next thing she knows, she's saying something about letting Derek and Mark spend some time alone and she's walking the other way with her half sister she doesn't really want to get to know.

"Mer?" Lexie says, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?" Meredith answers quietly, not looking forward to this conversation. The guilt was eating at her stomach, what made it worse was the need to see Lexie's big doe-eyes.

"If me and Mark… when we settle down, I'd want you there." Lexie says, fumbling with her hands. "I mean you're my sister so of course you'll be there but I want you to represent my mom. Not that I think of you as my mom!" Lexie rambles.

Meredith smiles uncomfortably; there was no way in hell with her luck that Lexie wouldn't find out that the man she loves slept with her sister. "Of course." She says shortly.

" Seattle was a home you know?" Lexie says sadly. "I really regret not being able to… get closer." She says, looking up at Meredith.

"Yeah me too." Meredith says.

Lexie somewhat looks disappointed with her reply. "Just a question?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you be okay? I mean with Derek. It was terrible what he did to you…" Lexie begins. "I have no idea how to help because it's an unfamiliar situation to me, thank god." She smiles. "But I'm here, to talk if you want to." She suggests.

"That would be nice." Meredith lies. "It couldn't hurt to have one more person on your side." She says, this time it's the truth.

"You know Mark is on your side?" Meredith winces slightly at the sound of his name but Lexie continues. "I could see it, the resentment I mean. Mark doesn't exactly approve of what Derek did." Lexie smiles. "That's one more person."

Meredith felt a lump rise in her throat.

He was one more person she wasn't supposed to fall for but did.

($(*#%&&(*#

Meredith pulled up her knees to her chest as she sat on the empty gurney. She doesn't notice that she had company until someone breaks the silence.

"What's going on with you?" Christina demands once she sees Meredith at the usual corridor they used to hang out in. "You're a great surgeon Meredith, it isn't like you to freeze." She states angrily. "This has something to do with Derek, doesn't it?"

Meredith winces inwardly; this has nothing to do with Derek at all but Christina doesn't know that. "It doesn't Christina."

Christina visibly calmed down at her statement. "Then what's the deal Mer?" She says. "We're all worried. And don't start that I'm fine shit on me."

"It's nothing. I'm…" Meredith says before she stops herself. "I'm doing great. Chipper even." She says, faking a happy mood but Christina doesn't by it.

"I'm your person." She says sympathetically. "I'm on your side."

This statement causes Meredith to flash back to her recent conversation with her sister. It's been two weeks since she's left and the guilt still exists. "I know, I'm fine."

"Mer… You're off your game, you rarely ever sleep." She says concernedly. "Even Bailey is worried."

"You guys don't have to be!" Meredith says, but her voice gives off her hidden pain and she looks up at Christina with tears in her eyes.

"What's going on Meredith?" Christina says softly.

"I slept with Mark." Meredith reveals.

Christina looks down at her hands and doesn't look at Meredith again. She can't hide the anger she feels with Meredith and also pity that her best friend had done it yet again. She had slept with a taken man.

"I know. I'm stupid." Meredith murmurs. "That's why I didn't tell you remember."

"When?" Christina asks abruptly, looking up once more. "When did you slept with him?" She hisses.

"The day Derek and Addison…" Meredith says as her voice drifts off. Christina's disapproving glare didn't go unnoticed. "I knew you would judge!" Meredith snaps.

Christina tries to control herself from snapping back a nasty comment. "I'm on your side, remember." She says. "I'm for your happiness."

Meredith looks up at her and feels a tear fall. She makes no move to wipe it away. "Everything's just so screwed up, Christina. I don't know what to do." Meredith says desperately.

"You move on. You forget it ever happened." A voice comes from the empty hallway.

Both Meredith and Christina tense up as a figure emerges from the dark corridor. Meredith looks at the person desperately, as if asking her to stop speaking.

"I thought you had some sense in you Grey." The person says, moving forward to her interns.

No one said her name like Bailey. It was only her when her name came with demands to be met, anger but at the same time patience and praise. "I can't just do that." Meredith says shaking her head. "It meant something…"

"He's not here anymore. What would it mean anyways? He's with your sister Grey." Bailey says angrily. "You move on. You put this passion" She says with disgust. "Into your work. You try being the best surgeon there is because I will not let you make a fool out of me again."

Meredith makes a move to protest but Bailey silences her.

"And when the time comes that they do come back to Seattle , you tell your sister. You stop her from living a lie. That's the right thing to do." Bailey says.

"You wouldn't…" Meredith drifts off, forgetting her company.

"It's not my place to tell or neither is it Yang's." Bailey says seriously. Meredith nods.

_You stop her from living a lie. _Bailey's voice echoed in her head. Meredith realized that if she denied her feelings for Mark any longer, she'd be the only one living a lie.

$*$

The past week was a nightmare. It was combined with throwing up, nausea and chest pains she's been trying to hide all week from everyone. She didn't want to know what Christina would do if she found out Meredith might be pregnant. Meredith didn't even trust herself to handle finding out she was pregnant. So she avoided worried glances from all her friends.

He found her sitting out on the patio, staring at the sky. If he didn't know any better he would of thought her as delusional, all alone in the cold air without a jacket.

He steps onto the front porch and smiles at her. She looks at him as if he's the one that's crazy for being out there at three in the morning. "Derek." She says surprised. She's sitting on the broken swing, she lives alone in the big house now but when she's outside and when her mind drifts else where, she feels less incomplete.

"Hey I just wanted to check up on you." He smiles his McDreamy smile. She wishes it had some affect on her, that it would make her skin tingle like his smile did. "Sorry if I scared you."

"Check up on me at three in the morning?" She grins lightly. They could be friends after all, maybe that would help her get over Mark. "You should be asleep right now."

"So should you." He retorts.

Meredith didn't have a response for that, the truth was she missed having anyone live with her. She missed having someone at the breakfast table in the mornings. She missed having people to come home to. "I couldn't sleep." She shrugs.

"Yeah. Me too." He says calmly and takes a seat beside her. He looks at her and smiles. "This is one of the most mature conversations we've had in a while."

"Yeah." She nods. "I guess so." She says quite sadly. After a moment of silence, she finally speaks again. "It shouldn't be that hard you know. If we were really meant to be together, we would have been able to get through a conversation without fighting." She sighs.

Derek has concern written across his face. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…" She begins. "That friendship is it for us, why push something that's failed over and over again." She says.

Derek's a little bit offended and all he can do is nod. "I'm so sorry Meredith."

"No, all off that… it's forgiven I guess." She says. "That was just a wake up call, we weren't happy together." She sighs. "It's better this way."

He looks up at her and brushes away the hair that's fallen on her face, her eyes were sparkling with tears but she sucks them in heroically.

"We were ending up this way anyways." She whispers.

"Yeah." He nods, but he can't help himself. He puts his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into a half-hug. Meredith can't deny that she enjoys the feeling of being wanted for the first time in months, but this was Derek. He wasn't the man she wanted, not anymore. "Can I ask you something though?" He says quietly.

"What's that?" She says, not pushing him away. He looks down at her and sees that she shaking. He pulls her closer in order to stop her from shivering.

"What's going on?" He asks. "Something's changed, Mer. I'm worried." He says kindly.

Meredith chokes on a sob and Derek looks down at her, fear etched in his eyes. She quickly wipes away the tears that have now fallen and looks back up at him and forces a smile. "It's nothing I promise. I'm just stressed out, that's all." She says.

"I trust you, you know." He says softly, rubbing her back. "I know you can take care of yourself. You're very much able to do that but it doesn't hurt once in a while to have someone to help you out." He says. "I could help Mer."

"I'm fine. I promise." She whispers.

"I'm not going anywhere." He says. "I'll be right here."

"I know you will. I'll be sure to call you if I do need you Derek." She sighs. "Thank you."

"That's what friends are for right?" Derek smirks. "So I haven't seen you a lot in the hospital."

_That's because I'm in the lavatory throwing up my breakfast, lunch and dinner. _Meredith thinks.

"I always assume you run away whenever you see me walk towards you." He laughs bitterly. "I can't blame you though." He says again. "I'm so sorry for hurting you that way. I never thought that would be the man I'd become, I really don't want to be that man."

"It's okay Derek…" She says soothingly noticing his hyped up volume.

"It's not okay, Mer." He says calmly. "I hurt you. That's definitely not okay." He says sadly.

I hurt you too. You just don't know it. Meredith thinks angrily.

"I miss you, you know." He buries his nose in her hair, inhaling her signature scent of lavender. "I don't see you smile enough." He says honestly.

Meredith inhales sharply; the space invaded was becoming all too clear for her. Then she realized that it couldn't hurt too much to have Derek for one night. She doesn't say anything then and he lifts her chin so that his eyes meet hers. He searches for some meaning, some meaning for the weird way she's been acting for practically a month.

He slowly inches his face towards her and she feels his breath on her face. She has to fight the urge to stand and run away, he was giving her something she yearned for. He just wasn't the man she wanted the kiss from. He came a little closer until Meredith put her hand on his chest.

"Don't." She whimpers slightly. Derek pulls away abruptly and removes the hand that's wrapped around her shoulder. He scratches the back of his head in confusion at her actions, one moment he suspects that she misses him too but she always proves him other wise. "I'm sorry." Meredith whispers.

"Yeah. Me too." Derek replies. He stands up and walks away without looking behind.

_So much for 'You can count on me, Meredith'. _ Meredith thinks sadly. She goes inside the house and heads upstairs. She enters the bathroom and searches in one of the cabinets the item she bought just earlier in a moment of weakness. She breaks the box's seal and does what it instructs.

After three more tests, she feels defeated. She runs into the shower and opens the water even though she's still wearing her clothes. She pulls her knees up to her chest and lets the sobs escape from her throat. She feels the water trickle down her cheeks, maybe she's mistaken and that's just her tears. There was no mistake though, Meredith Grey was pregnant and with her luck, it was likely to be Mark Sloan's baby.

#$*#%&__#%

This was the 25th time she dialed his number. This was the 25th time no one had answered his phone. Meredith had a strong feeling in her gut that he was with Lexie right now, and by with, she meant _with_. And boy was she right about that.

She felt the nausea come up again the second time that morning, after falling asleep in the bath tub and almost drowning—again—she didn't have the strength to pull herself off the ground.

She looked at the ground desperately. Her eyes wandered over to the phone beside her on the bed. She hit redial, again no answer. She dialed another number this time. A safer, more familiar, closer to home number and by the second ring Christina had picked up.

"Do you have a fucking clue what time it is?" Christina snaps.

"I'm pregnant." Meredith says in between muffled sobs, and just like that Christina's pain exterior melts and becomes the human being Meredith's always seen her as.

"Don't… don't worry, we've got this covered." Christina sighs sympathetically, all Meredith's reply was cries. Another sigh erupts from Christina's throat, as if to say 'I told you so'. She opens her mouth again to speak. "I'll be there as fast as I can."

Meredith mumbles thanks and shuts the phone. Christina was present when Meredith needed her the most. That's what she realized then, that people come through even when you don't deserve it. They love you even when you don't love them enough.

It feels like hours but its only minutes when Meredith hears the phone ring again. It's not Christina this time. Meredith rubs away the fallen tears and wipes her nose.

"Hello?" Meredith says tiredly.

She can hear the small gasp at the other end. "It's me." A gruff voice comes. She recognizes it immediately. "You've called me over twenty times, You definitely want to tell me something." He says coldly.

She can't imagine why he sounds so cold and angry at her right then. She realized that she must have been messing up the perfect life he's had so far. "Mark… You need to come back." She sighs deeply.

"I don't need to do anything Meredith, especially with orders coming from _you_." He growls. Meredith can practically feel the hostility in his voice and she has to fight to not release sobs.

"I get it, I don't mean anything." She states, mustering up all her courage. "I'm in no position to tell you what you need or have to do because I'm your dirty mistress. I'm your whore." She says with disgust. "And _you've_ made that perfectly clear."

"What do you want Meredith?" He says, obviously taken aback with her courage and strength. Most people—women—would step back from his harshness, but not Meredith Grey. She made that clear enough.

"I'm pregnant." She sighs. "It's probably yours because the last time Derek and I were—together; it was more than two and a half months ago. I perfectly remember having my period before… we happened." She says awkwardly. "I don't want anything from you. I just want you to know because I'm not that kind of girl."

She can see that she's shocked him once again, but once he's back to his calmness he puts on the mean exterior he's been showing this whole time. "Not the kind of girl that keeps secrets?" He scoffs rudely.

Meredith doesn't know what to respond to that, he has a great point that she doesn't know how to defend. "I'm not going to fight Mark. I just wanted you to know because this is more than infidelities and lies. This is more than that, a _kid_ is involved Mark."

"So I presume you're keeping it?" Mark says.

If they were at the same place, at the same time Meredith would have slapped him. "I did many horrible things. Many, many horrible things I regret—you are one of those things but I will not murder this child because of my selfishness." She shrieks. "That's the difference between you and me Mark, I'm responsible with these regrets. I have to live with this for the rest of my life but I'll do it because I know _damn well_ there is no one else at fault except for me."

"What about Lexie?" Mark sighs pathetically. He's a mess and it's obvious to even himself.

"You tell her what happened that night, you tell her the choices you're going to have to make. She either forgives you or she doesn't. You either take a role in this baby's life or you don't. Now that's _you_ taking responsibility." Meredith says.

"I really don't like you patronizing me Meredith." Mark says, shaking his head.

"You asked. I answered." She snaps, at the end of her wits.

"I love her." Mark whispers.

Meredith feels an empty whole in her chest. She feels her stomach sink for now the third time this morning. This wasn't morning sickness though, this was heartbreak. She channels her inner Bailey and she does this for both herself and her sister. "If you really love her, you won't let her live a lie Mark." She says, now slightly calmer.

Mark gives out a chuckle, one that's too short to be a sincere laugh. "It used to be me saying that, when did you become the responsible one?" He says teasingly. His tone is inappropriate and she knows that. She sighs and tries to speak again.

"The past month has been a reality check for me; it's your turn to have yours now Mark." She says quietly.

Mark takes a deep breath and takes a few seconds before he speaks again. Meredith's cold exterior is a front and it's cracking every time she hears him speak normally—nicely again. "How did this happen?" He asks tiredly.

Meredith can't take it anymore. She quickly hangs up and instinctively curls up into a ball and buries herself in the blanket.

That was how Christina found her a few minutes later.

**A/N: Comments are much appreciated. So please, click the button down there and share what you think. Had a really fun time writing this so far, especially this chapter but I would really love some feedback! Thank you though to the five people that already have, your reviews make my day! **

**I'm really very sorry because I have no clue on anything that includes body parts, blood and surgery. I really am useless at that and I definitely not pregnant yet so sorry if I just ruin everything because of my lack of knowledge.**

**But if there is anyone with that medical knowledge that I lack, I would really appreciate Beta volunteers. PM me if you're up for it!**

**I forgot to say this, but I am now: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. This wonderful work of art belongs to Shonda and I can only dream of actually meeting Dr. McSteamy. **


	4. Chapter 4

It was three days since their angry conversation on the phone. He had yet to tell Lexie about his situation and he was really dreading it when the time came. He came home that day to a sleeping Lexie. He rummaged through his closet loudly, loud enough to wake Lexie. She woke up to see him throwing around swear words along with throwing things into the suitcase on the floor.

"What's going on?" She asks worriedly, rubbing her eyes.

Mark turns around quickly to glare at her. She has never seen him this mean or cold. "We're going to Seattle . Pack your things now." He growls.

Lexie is beyond pissed now; he thinks he has the right to boss her around. "Oh. You didn't think it would be better to tell me what? Yesterday even?" She says sarcastically.

Mark rolls his eyes at her fake anger, something he would have never done if it was anytime else. "Just do it Lexie. Will you listen to me for once?" He tells her, his voice laced with venom.

Lexie inhales and tries to laugh the hurt off. It doesn't work. "Not before you explain." She orders. "I'm not moving until you tell me what's going on Mark." She says angrily.

"Lexie it would be a lot better if you just shut up and got your ass moving." He says, weaving his hands in his hair confusedly. He packs another pair of shoes messily. Lexie walks up to the suitcase and throws out the things he's put in. He walks up to her and grabs her hand to make her stop moving. Lexie looks up at him feigning a brave face. She already feels the tears stinging her eyes. "Enough Lexie. Just do as I tell you to."

"NO! I'll give you what you want when you give me what I want Mark." She says angrily. "That's only fair." She says wiping away the tears.

"Don't--" Mark begins, his voice low and rough. "I don't want to deal with this right now!" He explains.

"Deal with what?!" She questions. "Maybe I can help you!" She suggests angrily. "You don't have to deal with it on your own. Just let me help you!"

Mark shakes his head, not trusting his voice. "You wouldn't understand." He says defeated. "This isn't something I can talk to you about."

"How do you know that?" She asks desperately. "I have no goddamn idea to what you're even going on about!" She screams.

"Lexie--- just shut up please!" He yells. "Just give me one fucking minute to think!"

She looks at him with big eyes, she has definitely, definitely never seen him this mad. "Why won't you tell me?" She chokes out. "Is it that bad that you don't want to tell me?"

"I don't have time to explain!" He shouts at her, throwing his hands in the air. He smashes the lamp on the desk to the floor. Lexie stands up with fear. "I have no time to explain but I swear to god that I will." He sighs dejectedly.

"Okay." She whispers. "I trust you." She says, putting back the fallen lamp on the desk. He scared her but his leaving her scared her even more. She went up to him and cupped her hand to his cheek. Mark groans, pushing her hand away carefully. She looks at him questioningly, she can hardly breath with all the anger in the air.

Mark felt an empty pit in his stomach; those three words shook him to the core. He couldn't be trusted. He was a bad man and he would definitely be a horrible father. _You shouldn't._ He thought, not trusting the words that would eventually come out. _You deserve more than me._

$**#)_$#$&

The next hours were filled with anger and irritation with the two. The moment they arrived in Seattle , he called a cab and didn't bother to open the door for her or carry her luggage. Lexie felt hurt and insulted with his attitude the past day. She noticed him distant and tired all the time but she never knew it was this bad.

Only if she knew why.

Lexie tried to say something to break the tension. Even that was a hard thing to do. All of his answers were formed with yes, no or sometimes maybe. She couldn't bare that any longer truthfully. So she found it wiser to keep her mouth shut.

The ride to the hotel felt even longer than the whole day itself. Once they got down, Mark took the keys of their reserved room and headed straight up without any warning. Lexie was smart enough to notice he just wanted her to follow him without a word.

She opened the door to their suite. It was a familiar room to both of them; she threw her suitcase onto the floor and sat on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Where to now?" She says desperately seeking his answer.

"I'm heading to the hospital, you should just stay here." He says his mind ready to blow.

"Why did you bring me then?" She says tiredly. "If you were just going to leave me in a hotel room alone, why didn't you just leave me in Boston ?" She hisses.

Mark growls at her angrily, this would have usually turned her on but not today. Definitely not today. "Will you stop playing twenty questions?"

"Only if you give me my answer, the answer I really want." She says impatiently. Mark rolls his eyes at her and looks at her like she's the one who's lost her mind.

"Listen Lexie, just give me a day. Give me a day to get everything straightened out then I swear to god that I will make everything right." He pleads.

It would take a lot more than a day to get her to forgive him.

"Are we staying long?" She asks, trying to get her mind off the topic.

"If you'd like to." He says bluntly. "I thought you might want to see the others." He sighs. _We're staying as long as it takes. _He thinks to himself irritated.

Lexie nods and rubs his back soothingly. It didn't have the affect it used to, it used to stop his heart and make him feel happy but now it was an effort that was only reassuring herself. Mark could feel the fury roaring in his ears,_ trying to make her stop trying_. He didn't want anything more than to get out of the room and try to fix the damage done.

She made a move to hug him and he didn't protest. She circled her arms tightly around his waist, a little too tight for his liking. He felt her tears through his thin shirt and hated that he was the cause of them. He didn't try to stop her from crying though, he buried his nose in her hair. An act he used to find comforting and healing, now it couldn't even stop the fear and anxiety radiating off his body.

Mark's brain crumpled, thinking how he reduced himself to more than a man whore. He was a goddamn son of a bitch that didn't even know how to be a decent human being. He reduced himself to Derek's level, hurting the one you found precious over and over again.

Except this time, Mark didn't know which sister he wanted more.

)$(*$&)

He wasn't sure if she would be there at the hospital. It was nine and he assumed that she was either at home or at Joe's with her friends just as she used to do. So it surprised him when he saw her at the nurses' desk. The same desk they met at all those years ago.

He could say it was his loud black shoes on the pavement was the cause of her eyes meeting his, it or was simply the electricity both bodies gave off when in the same place. Meredith looked at him with a panicked glance and he just continued walking.

It was heart-breaking to see her. She looked so frail and thin that she might just break if he bent her. She looked underfed and didn't have enough sleep, which was obvious because of the dark purple circles under her eyes. She didn't have the glow all pregnant women were supposed to have, Mark thought. She was gray and pale and he wouldn't have recognized her from a far.

He must have gasped at her complexion because Meredith had her snarky front ready once he reached her. Mark recognized the change though. He knew that what had happened had broke her. It made her vulnerable and weak, something that no one—especially Meredith Grey—wanted to be.

Meredith opened her mouth to speak but a wave of nausea passed through her. Her hands instinctively reached to her stomach as she started rubbing soothingly. "Not now baby." She says closing her eyes and whispering.

_Great she loved _it_ already. _Mark thinks bitterly. He looks at her with concerning eyes, something he did unconsciously. He didn't want to show her he actually cared.

"I was betting on five days." She says curtly. "You seem to have arrived two days early."

"You bet that I would come?" Mark says coldly, tugging at his sleeves. They're receiving questioning glares from the nurses and interns that recognize them. It has never bothered him before, maybe now it's because Lexie might find out from someone else.

"You're sleeping with Lexie. I'm sure her goody-two-shoes act rubbed off on you a little bit." Meredith laughs at her own innuendo. Mark gives off a small growl at the cold mention of his girlfriend. "But you really want to know why?" She asks.

Mark hesitates and that seems to have sealed his answer.

"You're a doctor." She says simply. "You save lives for a living, that title actually gives you a free pass for being called half a decent human being." She sighs.

Mark struggles. He's never seen her cold or distant before. He's never seen her indifferent about something that included her.

"Now my turn to ask a question." She says testily. Mark shuffles nervously on both feet. "Why are you here?"

Mark is silent. There's no explanation to why he came. There's no explanation either to why he brought Lexie with him. "I don't know." He finally says, but truthfully.

Meredith doesn't look at him and nods to her shoes. She shakes her head at him and starts to move away. He blocks her and puts his hand on her shoulders. The mere touch was electrifying. It brought his heart to a stop just because of the contact. "Meredith" He pleads.

"I want answers. Come to me when you have them." She snaps back.

Their eyes connect and it's as if no one else in the room exists. She pushes his hands off of her shoulders and starts to walk away. She can't run fast so Mark reaches her in a matter of seconds. "Wait. Just listen." He shouts, begging her to stop running.

Meredith nods and looks around her, everyone is staring now. This was definitely going to be the new topic of the hospital by tomorrow. Meredith rolls her eyes at her own thoughts. Since when did the vultures ever stop?

"Listen to me." He shouts, transporting her back to reality. He's now aware of the volume of his voice; he pulls Meredith along and drags her in the Attending locker room. ". You want me to answer you now and I tell you" he says angrily shaking her. "I can tell you that if I give you your answer now its going to be made up of lies. I want to give you the truth Meredith, so be patient while I find it."

Meredith nodded again and sighed meekly. "Did you tell her?"

He shakes his head no and she looks at him with a mix of awe and disappointment for keeping the lie up this long. "Did you tell him?" He says bitterly.

Meredith looks at him in surprise; the last thing she expected of him was bringing up Derek. "No I didn't." She says.

"Then you can't get mad at me for that." He frowns. "You're just as bad as I am."

"I sometimes forget you've been in this situation before." Meredith scoffs coldly at his comment. "With Addison right? She was carrying your child too." She hisses.

"You have no right" Mark growls. "And it's not the same. You're actually keeping the child." He notes.

"That's because I'm not Addison." She fires.

"No you're not." He nods, looking around him instead of her for once. The eye to eye contact was strong and he was tempted to meet it again. "But you've just stooped to her level bringing that up." He says angrily.

Meredith looks at him surprised and realizes he's actually right. "I'm not Addison." She repeats. "Just because you're an ass doesn't mean I'm going to be." She says.

"You know Karev said those exact words once." He says, sitting down and putting his head in his hands.

Meredith nods and looks at him. "Look, I'm sorry. What about we head to Joe's for one drink?" She sighs. "Just get out of the hospital, too many memories." She says.

Mark doesn't find himself resisting.

$&#$P)(*$(

Mark was nursing his glass, his focus fully on the scotch in front of him instead of the beautiful woman beside him looking at him worryingly. He knew there were stares. He knew that people were whispering and wondering what he was doing back and with the wrong sister. He could hear the faint mentions of Lexie and Derek in their prying conversations. They were all waiting for the pin to drop for one of them to explode like they did earlier.

"Aren't you going to drink that?" Meredith says snapping him out of his own thoughts.

The stares and whispers were a buzzing bee to his ears and eyes now. It's not going to leave so the only thing to do is get used to them. For the first time since they got to the bar, he looks up at Meredith, like really looks. This is the first sincere look he's given her since he's arrived. He sees the pain and the exhaustion on her face. She's still the same beautiful Meredith, just not the Meredith that smiled.

"You can't." He shrugs. Their elbows immediately touch and Meredith pulls hers away abruptly. She'd be lying if she said that she didn't want to down a whole bottle of tequila right now but the baby was the first thing on her mind.

"So?" She replies, raising her eyebrows slowly. She looks at him and he almost looks as tired as her. She wonders whether it's the last month or the past day he's spent in Seattle and on the plane.

"No fun if you're just going to watch." He says simply, as if its common knowledge. Meredith looks at him in surprise. She wasn't sure if the fact that his was thinking of her comfort was intimidating or just…hot. "It's okay. I'm fine, Lex wouldn't be that happy."

Meredith visibly winces at the mention of her name and the memory of his failure to tell the truth. It didn't go unnoticed by Mark and he shoots her a questioning glance. "I hurt her too." She sighs, finally approaching the 'don't touch' subject.

"You don't have to tell her." He says sarcastically. His pessimistic comments would usually get on Lexie's nerves, but not Meredith.

"Guess you're right." She says, looking down at her hands guiltily.

"Lexie's complicated. She'll never forgive me if I leave you to handle this baby alone." He says.

"You sure about that?" she replies bitterly. "I doubt that she'll feel sympathy for the traitorous sister." She says. She senses his angry glare and she looks down at her hands again. "Is that why you came back?"

"Part of it." He sighs truthfully.

"If you lost her, would you leave for good?" Meredith asks.

"What do you mean?" He says running his fingers through his hair.

"Would you leave if she left?"

"I really don't know."

"You're not used to not having answers are you?" Meredith says.

"Yeah." He says quietly, finally taking a sip from the glass.

"I know how it feels." She nods. "It feels like you've—"

"Listen…" He starts suddenly feeling bad. "We were drunk, it wasn't a big deal. We can move past this why can't she."

Meredith feels the tears prickle her eyes. Damn hormones, she thinks to herself. Instead she simply nods and doesn't make eye contact.

"We were drunk. It didn't mean to happen. We didn't feel anything." Mark says, beginning an awkward silence. Those words were to convince more himself than Meredith and both of them knew it.

No one spoke for at least a minute and the stares, whispers and glances died down. They were one of the last few people left at the bar and they were at the table at the end, so no one would hear their intimate conversation.

Meredith just nods and looks back at her hands.

"Why do you seem so okay with this?" Mark asks after a while. "This is a big thing; I doubt that this has happened more than once with you."

"I'm not okay with this." Meredith says truthfully. She looks at him with eyes with concealed pain. "I'm no way close to okay with this but where does bitching and whining get me?" She asks. "You make a choice. I choose to take the higher road."

Mark nods and takes another small sip of his drink. He lets his hand fall on top of hers and she looks up at him in surprise. "I'm making a choice." He whispers. "I'll stand by you and this kid but I'm going to try and make things work with Lexie also."

Meredith feels a knot come up her chest. She pulls her hand away quickly and stares at him for a moment. "Was it this hard?" She asks, tears approaching her eyes.

"What is?" He says, wiping away the hair that fell on her face. He sees her hesitation to ask and tries to put her in a more comfortable situation. His eyes traces down to her stomach. Nothing gave off signs of her situation, not yet anyways.

She notices his eyes travel down and feels the heat rise to her cheeks. He's seen her naked before but his judging eyes make her feel self-conscious. "Betraying someone you love" She breathes out.

Mark rips his eyes away from her body and it meets his shot glass. He finishes it in one gulp before he looks at her again. He notices the little glow she has, he assumes it's because of the pregnancy but it shocks him none the less. He's also surprised with her forwardness, he's never known her with this much guts. "It was never easy. I know that much."

"I just…My stomach ties in knots, I can barely breath most times when I even think of her and I choke whenever I hear the names." She says. "I just want to know if that's just me."

"Definitely not just you." Mark nods to her and lifts his hand, signaling another drink. "It's not just you when the guilt eats out your stomach and your head grows fuzzy thinking about how much you hurt the person." He sighs. "But eventually, it grows numb and you find another kind of happiness." He says.

"I learned that numbing the pain just makes it worse when it comes back." Meredith states, sipping from her glass of water. She looks at him and he quickly looks away. She notices his staring and his occasional glance down at her stomach.

"Yeah but when it actually does come back, you know how to handle it." He shrugs.

"You're a wise man." She says quietly.

"What are you on?" He chuckles. "And tell me where I can find some." He smirks cockily.

Meredith giggles the first one she's had in months. Mark rejoices in hearing her honest to god laugh.

"You don't smile enough." He says lightly.

"Neither do you." Meredith retorts. It's true though, her time was usually dealt with coping with stress and dealing with her problems which wasn't fun at all.

"Ahh, that's where you're wrong." He grins. "How are you Grey?" He says calmly.

"I've been better." Not lying. "But I'm not at my worst anyways." Not lying. "I'm just getting used to dealing with all the issues I left behind and all that jazz." She says waving her arms around as a gesture. "I'm not fine" She says seriously again. "But I'm handling."

Mark nods before firing another question. "Have you spoken to Derek?" He asks.

Meredith feels everything get slightly less bright and shiny. He notes that her body tenses up at the memory of what happened. "Yes." She says quietly. "He's still a bastard the last time we talked."

"What happened?" He says, rage bubbling up at the thought of Derek hurting Meredith.

"He tried to kiss me." She says plainly. "I told him not to, he stormed off." She shrugs. She feels Mark squeeze her into his arms and she tries to make the tears stop from falling.

"He didn't…" Mark began. Meredith whipped around quickly to face him and looked at him disbelievingly.

"He would never hurt me physically, not on purpose anyways." Meredith snaps.

Mark fumes up at her defense. He wonders why she's still defending his honor and trying to make him look like a good guy even when it was obvious he wasn't. He doesn't know that Meredith also thinks the same thing.

"I can take care of myself." Meredith states. "I have been—" She begins before he cuts her off.

"I know you can take care of yourself." He says angrily. "I'm you're friend, I'm just offering to help you." He says.

"Stop trying to help." She says stubbornly.

Mark's hand falls on hers again and she finds herself not pulling away. He traces small circles into her palm while she looks up at him. She gets lost into his blue pools and feels her eyes wander down to his perfect features. Once her eyes reach his lips, she feels the heat rise to her face remembering the way he kissed her—every part of her with those lips.

Mark smirks at her response, perfectly aware of what he was doing to her. "You're going to need my help eventually." He breaths quietly.

She feels his breath on her forehead and tries to fight the urge to move closer and inhale his musky scent. She doesn't win.

He smells like man and the rain, a perfect combination. He doesn't wear the obnoxious cologne that she thought he would have on. She feels her heart beat a little bit faster, and is sure that everyone can probably hear her sigh. She feels his breath on her hair, only inches away from kissing it.

"Grey" He says warningly, though not moving away.

"I can't…" She whimpers quietly.

He feels heat prickle his eyes and looks up, instead of at the beautiful girl in front of him. "I love her." He says painfully.

Meredith jerks away with a hurt expression and looks down at her hands. "I'm sorry." She says at the floor. "We should probably go…" She stands up and makes a move to leave before she feels his hand on hers.

"Wait, I'll follow you home." He sighs tiredly. "Please let me." He says with desperation in his voice.

Meredith doesn't respond but waits for him to follow her to her car. He opens the door and lets her slide in. She doesn't look up again because she's too scared to make her eyes meet his. When she's sure that he's already in his car she looks at the sky and wonders how they ever came to this point. She starts the engine and drives off, with him behind her.

She didn't try to escape him on the ride home. His presence alone was comforting on its own. It made her feel a little safer and less lonely. And for the most part, she wasn't sure if she wanted him to leave.

Meredith pulls up in front of the old house, aware that he's watching her every move. She grips the wheel tightly before exiting the car. She pretends he's not there and goes inside the house with no goodbye.

She looks out the window just in time to see him drive off. Just like that, the happiness, the feeling of comfort, and the blanket of safety came off.

She's never felt more alone in her life.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm messing up the past and present tense on this. Sorry. **

He waited for her to walk into the house before he left. He could see her shoulders hunched and her hands curled up into fists. He could practically feel the tension radiating off her body. Mark looked at his watch, it was bordering on 11 o clock. Lexie was definitely not going to be happy, especially after finding out that he was drinking with her pregnant sister.

He started the car and headed in the hotel's direction. About ten minutes later, he threw up on an unfamiliar sidewalk. He felt nauseous, worried and drunk, a really bad combination. Aside from that, the drive home went smoothly. The thought of Meredith, Lexie and the baby rarely crossed his mind but the moment he pulled up at the hotel, all fears returned.

_Why the fuck did all this have to happen to me_? Mark thought to himself. Some icy cold witch was cursing him with all the bad luck left on earth. Mark couldn't help but feel contempt when he moved to open the door of their hotel room. He didn't want to deal with Lexie's bitching and whining the second time that night, but he knew he owed her this much. He wished that she was asleep by this hour, but he found her flipping through a magazine on their bed.

"Hey" Lexie smiled at him. She crossed the room and felt the need to hug him, instead she just stood across from the doctor and sighed. "What happened?"

Mark looked at her and noticed the dried tears left on her cheeks, she had obviously been crying since he'd left. "You were crying?" he asked gruffly.

Lexie nodded, unashamed. "I was worried Mark. What do you think?" She said. She doesn't show anger or disappointment, something Mark was very thankful for.

He headed over to the mini-bar and brought out a bottle of water, to Lexie's surprise.

"Are you still going to give me the silent treatment?" Lexie said sarcastically. Mark shot her a cold glare and set down the bottle heavily. He sat down on the bed and Lexie was tempted to approach him.

"Why do you smell like scotch?" Lexie demanded when she moved closer.

"I went to Joe's." He sighed.

"So that's what you came all the way to Seattle for? A drink?" She snapped.

"Lexie, calm down." He pleaded quietly. Both his mind and his stomach was churning violently, the nauseous feeling came up again. He somehow doubted it was caused by alcohol this time.

"Calm down? Calm down?! I've been worried sick Mark! I've been wondering what the fuck I did wrong! I deserve an answer." She yells. Mark looks down at his shoes tiredly then back up at her. He's sure she disapproves.

She shook her head slowly and looked back at him. "I slept with Meredith." He said quickly.

Lexie's eyes widened and faced him again. "What?" She asked.

"I slept with Meredith." He answered back. He could see her eyes flaming red and tears threatening to fall. "I slept with your sister."

"I know that." She hissed. "When did you sleep with her?" She asked angrily.

Mark looked at her, shocked. He was expecting her to blow up or at least cry. "Last month, a few weeks before we left for Boston ." He said quietly.

"Then why tell me now?" She snarled. "Why not just keep it a secret. You seemed intent on keeping it that way before."

He didn't reply and Lexie felt her breath caught in her throat. A lump forms in his chest and he looks down at his hands guiltily. He doesn't look up but feels her glare pierce him directly.

"How do you know it's yours?" She snapped. "How do you know she's not sleeping around with other guys? She's made that name for herself after all." She said bitterly.

"Lexie! She's pregnant!" He growled. "You don't get to call her a whore." He said angrily. He looked up at her and saw the fear in her eyes. The fear of Mark leaving her. He knew exactly what that felt like and he was damn sure it wasn't a good feeling.

"Why are you defending her now?!" She screamed. "Are you going back to Seattle to make your whore family?"

Mark could hear the cracks in her voice. She wasn't as confident as she thought she was. The comment stung him deeply, but he guessed both he and Meredith deserved it. The baby didn't. "Enough Lexie."

"Don't tell me what to fucking do." She seethed, she slapped him hard on his chest but Mark didn't fall back. Instead he grabbed her hands and pulled them together.

"I told her" He said, close to her face. "That I would be involved with the baby." He said angrily. "But I said I would make things work with you."

"You _thought_ that I would take you back?" She said angrily, spitting in his face. That caused him to step back.

He took the gesture lightly. He didn't get mad and he didn't want to raise his voice anymore. "It's your choice Lexie."

"No! You can't do this." Lexie said. "I _loved_ you! I don't even know what I did wrong!" She screamed. "Why did you do it?" She asked angrily.

"I was drunk Lexie. I wasn't in the right state of mind neither was she." He whispers. "We made a mistake and I assure you it won't ever happen again." He said quietly, leaning into her. "I fucking swear Lexie. I hope you still do love me."

"I don't want to!" Lexie said, tears running down her cheeks. "I don't want to love you because you're wrong for me. You're mean and you're cold. You're selfish and rude and I don't know whether I can live with that! So please, everything you're doing now is giving me more reasons to stop."

"I love you Lexie." He pleaded. "I love you. I _can_ change."

"No. No. _No_." She sobbed, hitting his chest repeatedly. Mark let his hands fall to his sides and laid his chin atop her head. After a few seconds, she was leaning on him, her fists curled into a ball and clutching his shirt.

"It's on you Lexie" He whispered. "We break up now, or we'll make things work. It's your choice."

"You haven't even told me you were sorry." Lexie sniffed, pulling back and looking at him in the eye. She could feel her heart beat faster. She didn't know what to chose; she loved him and could do with letting this slide. "You sound like you don't even regret it!" She cried angrily.

"I'm sorry Lexie. So _so sorry_." He said. "I regret every moment." Somehow that didn't convince the both of them enough.

"Do you _love_ her?" Lexie asked disbelievingly. "Do you think of her when we kiss?" She seethed. "Do you think of her when _we_ have sex?"

Mark hissed. "I chose you! I chose _you_ Lexie."

That only caused Lexie to cry more. "That doesn't mean anything!"

"Yes it does! I chose you! Even if I do love her, I chose _you_. So she doesn't mean anything to me. Why can't you see that?" He asked desperately.

"If you chose me, why did you see her today? Why did you only tell me now if you loved _me_?"

"I saw her because I wanted answers! I wanted answers for the _both_ of us!" He said.

"Did you find them? Did you find out that you loved her today?" Lexie screamed. "Did you find out that you didn't love me? Does she even know we were planning to make a baby?" She cried bitterly.

"Goddammit! I chose _you_ Lexie! I left _her_. Shouldn't that be enough!?" He pleaded.

Lexie looked up at him with eyes big and sincere. She shook her head at him and turned around. "It would've if you didn't sound so disappointed."

"Lexie…" He begged, gripping her arm. She turned around to face him again.

"I was lying when I said you'd be a good father." She shook him off and headed out the door but not before saying one last thing. "Feel free to sleep on the couch."

)***)$

Lexie drove angrily to the old house. The route was familiar but now took longer. The traffic only fueled her anger even more.

She could fume and scream at Meredith, demanding explanations or she could beg her to leave them alone and never keep contact again. Both ways weren't very responsible. She could call Meredith a whore or she could wholly forgive her and forget this every happened. The latter would be preferred so that she could start anew with Mark. Far, far away from Seattle .

What fueled her rage was Mark practically admitting he had existing feelings for her sister. He didn't defend himself when she accused him of loving Meredith, she noted. Mark had a soft spot for Meredith, that she always knew. She just thought it was purely platonic. Like Meredith and Alex for instance, they were friends and they occasionally drank or bickered with each other and they remained a platonic friendship. Why couldn't she do the same with Mark, her own sister's boyfriend?

Lexie pulled up to the house and stomped into the rain, not bothering with getting wet. She knocked on the door repeatedly, and not surprisingly, no one answered. She turned to look in the mirror and saw her sister curled up on the couch and cradling her stomach like it was already a baby.

Lexie tried to look for any indication that Mark could be lying, nothing was found but nothing was pointing to the truth either.

She didn't care whether she woke her pregnant sister from her deep sleep. She honestly didn't care if Meredith lost sleep over her, after all Lexie had lost sleep wondering what was wrong with her boyfriend.

On the drive, she took time to think about why they had done it. Why had they chosen to betray someone (she thought) they loved so dearly? Why had they done this to her, and why were they only coming forward now?

The baby changed everything. It would change her future relationship with Mark and it would definitely change her relationship and camaraderie with Meredith. It would always be a reminder of what they did to her so foolishly.

It was probably her twentieth knock when Meredith finally woke up. She stumbled to the door and opened it hastily. It was only when she saw the visitor that she fully woke up. "Lexie" Meredith said surprised.

"You weren't expecting me huh?" Lexie said bitterly, walking in the room. It was almost exactly the same. It just didn't have the whiff of Derek anymore. Meredith obviously took down the pictures of the two of them that used to exist on the wall.

"I'm so sorry Lexie." Meredith said truthfully. Lexie's eyes travelled to her stomach and Meredith's hands instinctively wrapped her arms around it.

Lexie looked up at her with a pained look. "Why?" She cried. She looked at Meredith and Meredith wished to be anywhere except there, at that moment.

"We were drunk" Meredith began, Lexie just sobbed harder and Meredith put her hands on Lexie's shoulder. Surprisingly, Lexie didn't pull away.

"It's so painful" Lexie cried again, looking at Meredith. "You know exactly how it feels!" She yelled. "Why did you do it to me?" She looked Meredith directly in the eye and Meredith looked down at the floor, gently rubbing her back.

"I'm so sorry." She repeated. "I can't tell you how guilty I felt when I didn't tell you." She sighed, tears of her own threatening to fall. "I didn't want to at first but we—I knew it was unfair. I'm so so sorry Lexie." She pleaded. "I can't even begin to show you how much I regret it."

Her statement sounded so true, both of them believed it. "Please don't take him away from me." She pleaded. Lexie looked horrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was a mess, Meredith felt her throat clench.

"How could I?" Meredith said disbelievingly. "He loves you!" Meredith felt her heart break a little at her own declaration but continued on for her sake. "He's not going to leave you Lexie."

"You don't know the way he talks about you and that…thing" Meredith felt a rush of anger rise through her but let her continue. "You don't know what that baby will do to him Meredith!" She cried, she hastily wiped away the tears, ashamed at herself for revealing so much.

Lexie looked at her half-sister carefully in those moments. She saw the distinct glow whenever she spoke about the baby, or Mark with the baby and that only added to the fire. Lexie cried harder and Meredith couldn't help it, she tore her hand away from Lexie's back. Meredith put her face in

her hands and rocked back and forth, an effort to stop herself from crying also.

"He loves you" Meredith repeated soothingly. "He's said it to me countless times."

"Please don't let him stay here." Lexie cried. "Don't let him leave me, tell him to go back with me!" Lexie said. "Tell him you don't want him involved."

She begged. Meredith just shook her head and looked down at her hands.

"I can't do that, that's his decision." She said.

In a second, Lexie's palm collided with Meredith's cheek.

Meredith feels the tears sting her eyes but she doesn't look up again. "I'm just telling you the truth Lexie." She said, her pride was hurt deeply and she almost couldn't take it anymore. But Lexie did have the right to slap her, Lexie had the right to ruin her and she didn't—not yet anyways—so

Meredith accepted it gracefully.

"Why couldn't you tell me the truth months ago?" She demanded angrily.

"What difference would it make?" Meredith retorted. "We'd still be in the same spot. You'd still be hurt. I'd still be pregnant; I just wouldn't know it yet." She snapped.

"He's going to leave me Meredith!" She remarked. "I'm in love with him."

"Then trust him not to do it again. Forgive him for hurting you. If you loved him enough, you would do anything for him." Meredith said, her voice echoing through her head. Her head, her heart and her chest was throbbing painfully. She assumed it was the stress that today had caused.

"But he hurt me! How am I supposed to live with that?" Lexie said angrily. Meredith's voice was calm and patient, Lexie wished hers was the same.

"He slept with you and he trusted that you were holding his child!"

"You choose Lexie. You risk your heart for him or you don't. It's your choice." Meredith whispered, a little hurt about her accusation of Meredith's sleeping around. She remembered that she told almost the exact thing to Mark about responsibility, she's just realized that she should follow her own advice.

"I love him so much." Lexie sobbed quietly. She looked up at the ceiling, as if to find an answer. "But what if this happens again?" She asks. Her voice was cracking and she was well aware that she was on the road to breakdown. Meredith looks at her and thinks of what to say, she grips

Lexie's hand tightly. Lexie looked like a heartbroken child, Meredith was sure that that was what she was.

Meredith smiles at Lexie sincerely. "That's what you call putting yourself out on a limb, if you really do love him you'd risk everything." Inside her head, Meredith was begging Lexie to let go. It was hurting her as well that Mark couldn't choose.

Mark had feelings for Meredith, Lexie was sure of that much and that angered her to no end. "Please…" She whimpered. "Don't tell him to get involved with the baby. Just leave us alone."

Meredith couldn't tell him not to be involved even if she wanted to. "I can't tell him that Lexie…" She sighed. "If he decides not to, I promise to go along with it." She offered. "But his help, his involvement is not for me and purely for this child." Meredith didn't know she was lying to Lexie and herself, because she sounded pretty damn convincing. "It's going to need a father Lexie. I know exactly how it feels to grow up without one."

"Then get Derek! Or Alex! Get anyone except Mark." She begged. "Please…"

"Lexie, did you talk this over with Mark?" Lexie shuddered at the mention of his name but also shook her head slowly. "Then I think you guys should decide on your own. I have no say." Meredith sighed.

"He'll listen to you." Lexie said, practically begging again. Her eyes were filled with hopeless tears for herself and for the practically failed relationship she once had. She bit her fingers, hoping to focus on another pain but Meredith just shook her head.

"He loves you, if he thinks that the best thing for him is to stay with you. He'll do just that" Meredith said truthfully. "He's a good guy, a bit mislead, but a good guy."

Lexie felt hurt that Meredith actually thought that she had a right to have any claim—real or fake—on Mark. Her Mark. Lexie nodded and turned to leave the house, but not before turning around "If you love me Meredith, you'd stay away." She sighed.

"I love you" Meredith nodded, looking at Lexie honestly. "But I also know what's best for this baby."

*$&*)$&*$

"So it's decided then?" Mark said, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah." Meredith sighed heavily. "You come home every two weeks for the check-up then we'll go from there." She repeated.

Lexie glared at Meredith at her mention of 'Home'. Mark didn't seem to notice which angered her even more. She didn't tell Mark about how she barged in, close to one at night, yesterday and how she begged Meredith for the claim on her own boyfriend but she had a feeling that Mark had guessed. They came over to Meredith's house reluctantly that morning.

Lexie let Mark back in and told him he would have one more chance. But she didn't tell him that she would hate the unborn child from then on. She was hurt when it was apparent that Mark had already decided to take care of the child like any father would do, without her say. She was also furious about the way Mark spoke to Meredith. Like they were lovers.

"And I won't say a word." Lexie put in. They talked about not revealing the real father of Meredith's child until they didn't have a choice. They also discussed on how Lexie wouldn't say anything about Meredith being pregnant.

Mark nodded, inwardly groaning on how immature his girlfriend sounded. He shot Meredith an apologetic look, much to Lexie's dismay. "Are you going to the hospital today?" He asked Meredith while taking a sip of his coffee.

Meredith nodded and instinctively traced her hand up and down her stomach. Something Lexie noticed she did whenever Mark talked to her. "I only have to be there at eleven." She said quietly. "Are you going?" She asked.

"Yes. We want to see everyone, of course." Lexie said, rolling her eyes. Mark pursed his lips and didn't say anything. Lexie possessively wrapped her hand around Mark's and squeezed.

Meredith couldn't take her eyes away from the two. She couldn't be mad though, she had deserved this pain present in her gut. They were perfect together, Mark and Lexie. They were both beautiful in their own ways. Meredith felt awkward and not…normal in that situation.

"We should…go" Mark said tiredly, running his hands through his hair. Meredith's eyes trailed up and down his facial features, something that Lexie didn't like. Meredith felt horrible being the 'other woman' and causing everyone so much pain and apparently, Mark felt the same way.

"Okay" Meredith nodded silently. "I'll see you out." She sighed, thankful that the awkward conversation was over.

"Thanks for the coffee." Mark sighed, looking at his hands that were intertwined with Lexie's.

"Sure, it was the least I could do." Meredith said, feigning a laugh. She led them over to the door and waved them goodbye. She headed inside again and sat down on her couch lazily. She rubbed her stomach and whispered. "Everything's going to be fine, baby."

*&^&$*

"So I don't have to kick Lexie's ass for making you cry?" Christina said while both of them were in the locker room. They were alone, thankfully because the volume of her voice wasn't preferable.

"Christina!" Meredith hissed but she herself couldn't help but let out a loud laugh.

Christina smiled at her attempt to get Meredith to giggle. The truth was, her person didn't smile or laugh enough. Though the dark and twistiness didn't bother her that much, it hurt her to see Meredith that depressed. "How about McSteamy? No chopping off of his prized possessions?"

"They were nice for the most part." Meredith said, reassuring. "You've got nothing to worry about." She sighed.

"Someone's got to look out for you." Christina shrugged, and Meredith shot her a smile. At that moment, Alex and Izzie walked in the locker room.

"Hello evil spawn" Christina smirked. "Get ready to get kicked in the ass today!" She said loudly, hitting Alex on the back.

Meredith gave Izzie a knowing smile, the two had a weird friendship. They were always competing in one way or another. Izzie had yet to come

back to work but she made it a habit to bring Alex to work everyday.

"What makes you so happy today?" Alex grunted. "Hunt finally realize you were a girl?"

"No" Christina said rolling her eyes. "I just enjoy life that's all."

Alex shot a pointed look to Meredith and Izzie. "Is she high or something?" He said.

"Don't mind him" Izzie said. "We walked into Mark and Lexie on the way in, he's just annoyed he's not the best today."

Both Christina and Meredith tensed up at her mention of the couple. They gave a knowing look to each other and frowned. "Mark's here?" Christina said, although already knowing why.

"Yeah, for the day at least. He seemed—off" Alex finally said, regaining his ground. "Something's different for sure."

Christina shrugged, trying to cover for her best friend. "He moved. Lots of things can change."

Meredith smiled thanks in her direction and focused back on Alex and Izzie. Before she could say anything more, their chief resident walked in heavily. "Get to rounds people!" Bailey screeched. Everyone immediately walked out and Izzie gave Alex a kiss on the cheek and waved goodbye to the girls.

Meredith sighed and rubbed her stomach. And for the second time that day, the words were there more to convince herself. "We're going to be okay baby. We're going to be okay."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N My prayers and condolences go out to the victims of tropical storm 'Ondoy' in Manila. **

**Two Months**

He arrived in Seattle an hour ago and the rain was still going on like no tomorrow. Lexie told him it was a sign. A sign that his presence was definitely not meant to be, "Who messes with the signs?" she had said a while ago when they got down the plane. It was two weeks since he was in Seattle; the good thing about this trip was that there was only a little hostility coming from both women. It had been two weeks since Meredith had dodged his seventeen calls; he understood but couldn't help feeling a little hurt.

He looked over at Lexie. Over the weeks, she had been wearing that sarcastic shell but he knew that under that, was the desperate girl begging not to be left. He had dealt with her, better than he should have. They had both come to an agreement that they wouldn't make this a reason for making their relationship any different. Lexie eagerly complied with the deal, Mark—not so much.

"Lexie, I'm heading to the hospital. Are you coming?" He called from the hotel's '-'living room'.

"Yes." Lexie said. He swore that he could actually _hear_ her rolling her eyes. "Just wait a while." She shouted back to him. They weren't as comfortable as before, Mark believed. They walked on tip-toes around each other and he could see her eyes darkening at the mere mention of Seattle.

That was because Seattle meant Meredith. It meant the illegitimate love child he had formed with her sister. Lexie would do anything to take Seattle as far away from him as she could. Mark inhaled sharply when Lexie exited the bathroom. She was wearing a form-fitting red t-shirt that held on to her skin a little too much and jeans that highlighted every curve.

The gasp wasn't because she looked better than she did in Boston. It was because she had done all this to hurt him and Meredith. "Lexie" He growled frustratingly. He ruffled his hair and refused to look at her.

"What?" She said, putting her hand on her hip. "If you want to sleep with me all you have to do is cancel the appointment so we can stay here—and do whatever you like." She purred. Mark shook his head disapprovingly. He felt a twinge of disgust at her jealousy.

"You know green isn't an attractive color on you?" He hissed. He pulled her by the wrist and she could feel his breath on her nose. "Stop trying to hurt her." He whispered angrily. She could feel his voice shake with every mention of her; it was as if he thought of Meredith as fragile and precious.

She let out a chuckle. It was a cold, humorless sound. She dared to meet his eyes with her dark grey ones. "You mean hurt her like she hurt me?" She grinned angrily, knowing that she hooked him with the guilt.

"Goddamnit Lexie!" He screamed, pushing her away and onto the bed. A flash of fear rolled in her eyes and he looked away. "I told you that if you had a problem with this, you could leave any fucking time you want."

He walked outside into the rain, not caring that he got wet and hailed a cab. He left her up there in the room, alone and afraid about what would come next. He found himself only caring about getting at the appointment on time. It was half past ten and the appointment started at ten, he had no clue how long one would last.

He arrived at Seattle Grace a few minutes later, immediately remembering why he chose the hotel in the first place. It's convenient location. He noticed the gazes patients, nurses and even doctors seemed to send him. He knew that he stood out when he practically ran down the hall, but again, he couldn't care less. "Hold the elevator!" He yelled, and stuck his hand in the middle. He hopped on and ignored the one person behind him. "Thanks" He said breathlessly.

"Oh. It's you." That caused Mark to look back to identify the familiar cold voice.

"Yang" He nodded, choosing to overlook the fact that she probably knew everything. "Nice day isn't it?"

"Are you here for Meredith?" She said, purposely ignoring his previous statement.

"Yes." He said hesitantly. "Do you know which room?" He inquired. He looked at her and noticed the glance of pity in her eyes. She merely nodded and pulled him off the elevator.

Christina pulled him onto the Neonatal floor of the hospital and dragged him into a room. He immediately felt a smile creep up his face when he saw Meredith positioned on the chair and she couldn't help but smile back. Christina rolled her eyes at the two of them and that snapped both out of the sick fantasy. Meredith was presently propped up on her back, staring at the picture of the baby on the monitor in front of her.

"Sorry I'm late." He said, positioning himself far away from her.

Christina moved over Meredith, hovering protectively. Mark noticed that she was holding in the urge to growl at him, and was very thankful that she didn't just yet. Meredith nodded and looked over to Mark. "That's the baby. It's tiny but its there." She said, grinning at him and pointing to the screen.

Mark looked at the screen and let out a small gasp. The baby was there all right. Meredith blushed and ducked her head so he wouldn't see. He moved a little closer to her and she could feel the electricity radiate off both of their bodies.

Christina gave a small cough and lightly slapped Meredith on the knee. The doctor was obviously uncomfortable with the three. She was too clueless with the gossip to understand what was happening with them. "So, the appointment is over. I'm just going to advise you to drink as much fluids as you can and eat well." The doctor said, snapping them out of their current situation. "Meredith, a life as an intern is tough, I would know. But it's no excuse to not stay healthy alright?" She said. Christina scoffed and Meredith shot her a glare before smiling at the doctor.

"Promise me Meredith?" The doctor asked again, shooting Christina one of her own glares.

Meredith nodded, but didn't take her gaze off of the screen. Neither did Mark, he couldn't believe that in months he would be a father. "Yeah. Christina will look out for her." Mark said, smirking in Meredith's direction.

"I can honestly say that I can look out for myself." Meredith said, grinning back. She held her hand up and smiled. "Scout's honor."

Christina snorted and Mark looked at her amusedly. "Wrong hand smartass." He said. Meredith laughed and blushed. She glanced at him with a shy smile and he gladly returned one of his perfect grins. The doctor left the room and Mark turned around to let Meredith change to her scrubs with Christina's help.

"You want to have lunch with us?" Meredith smiled sweetly, carefully tying her scrubs together. She felt Christina's questioning eyes lock on hers but she turned the blind eye. She looked over at Mark and was surprised to see that he had the same expression her best friend had. "What? It's just lunch." She rolled her eyes at the two of them nervously.

That seemed to be enough for Mark. "Okay." He nodded, opening the door like a true gentleman for both women. They both received glances from the doctors when they made their way to the table, but that wasn't anything they weren't used to.

Suddenly, Christina stopped midway and held her hand in front of Mark's chest. "Listen Mer, me and Sloan will get food for you guys. Sit beside Alex and Izzie." She said, faking a smile. She nodded over to the two Karevs' who saved them a seat.

Meredith nodded, not questioning any further and walked over to the table. When Christina was sure that no one was looking, she grabbed Mark by the arm and led him into an empty corridor.

She held up her hands and pushed him down. She was surprisingly strong for a small girl." You need to stop all of this." She said angrily.

"Stop all of what?!" He yelled, also angry at her attitude. He looked at her and saw the pain in her eyes; it was evident that it was pain and pity for Meredith. He looked her up and down and dared her to continue. He didn't expect her to take his dare.

"You can't lead her—them on Sloan!" She growled, pushing him hard against the wall. "Her heart is invested in this. You're going to end up hurting her."

"Did you ever think my heart was too?" He yelled. "Did you ever think that I was also going to get hurt?" He feels his voice crack and his heart ache at the truth in the statement. His heart was at stake here, he didn't know which one to break to get his own to heal.

"But I wouldn't have to be the one to scan the wreckage. When it's Meredith, I have to dig for every part of her you shattered. She's my person. Do you know how much time Alex, Izzie, George and I had spent trying to put her back together?" She said fiercely but honestly. She eyed him and noticed he was almost giving up.

"I'm not Derek." He snarled, throwing his hands in the air disbelievingly.

"So I've been told by her and you, but you have the same capacity to hurt her as he did Sloan." She hissed. "She's my _best friend_. I can't let you hurt her."

"Who said I'm going to hurt her?!" He retorted. "You? Alex? Izzie? _Bailey_?" he said in amazement. "Who has so much distrust in me that they're sure that I'm going to hurt Meredith?" His voice cracked when he looked at her because he was fully aware that he was probably going to hurt her one way or another, whether he liked it or not.

"She's pregnant with her sister's boyfriend! You're stringing them both along." She glared. "It doesn't take a lot of brain to predict that someone is definitely going to get hurt." She snapped.

"You don't have to care! You don't have to care because this is our business. No one else's, if Meredith tells me to walk away then I will." He snarled.

"Why I care? Didn't I explain enough already? Meredith is where my loyalties lie, Sloan! I'm not going to leave her just because you told me to. That's one thing you haven't learned yet: you stick to your team. No matter how many stupid decisions you make, you stick to your team." She said, getting ready to hit him. She moves a step closer, daring him to go further but he only looks directly at her. "You've already messed her up, Sloan."

"Then how do I fix it?" He asked his voice dangerously loud. He chooses a better choice of words for the both of them. "How do I walk away?" He repeated. "Teach me Yang; _tell me _how to walk away. Do you know how much that would hurt _both of us_?"

"Then give Lexie up. Give her up if you want to be with Meredith." She said heatedly. "Choose one."

Mark felt himself sigh and walked over to the table. Meredith gave a small wave and pulled out the seat beside her, he could feel Alex's questioning gaze and Izzie's not-so-subtle glances directed at him. He sat beside Meredith and smiled, hoping to ease the tension.

"I thought you and Christina were going to get food for us?" Meredith asked playfully. Alex cocked his eyebrow at the mention on Dr. Sloan getting his own food—and everyone else's.

"Ah. Yeah, she said she could handle it." He said shrugging it off. He could feel the hair on his neck rise at the next question. He had assumed that Meredith had told her friends but he was obviously wrong.

"So what are you doing in Seattle?" Izzie inquired. She looked from him to an empty plate back to him. "Did you bring Lexie?"

Christina dropped four plates of food onto the table—only four to Mark's annoyance. "Oops. I forgot one." She said irritably. "My bad."

Meredith sent Christina a disapproving glare and moved her tray in between herself and Mark. She smiled up at him and his felt his breath get caught in his throat. She was beautiful, beautiful in her own way and he didn't know how he would be able to handle it. "We can just share." She shrugged nonchalantly. Izzie's mouth fell wide open to their blatant flirting. It was way inappropriate, even for their situation.

"So, why are you here?" Izzie questioned further. She sent Meredith a 'what's-going-on' look that didn't go unnoticed by Mark.

"Izzie!" Meredith screeched at the directness of her question. "He's here for business, alright?" She said furiously.

"Yeah, business." Mark said hesitantly. Izzie eyed him up and down and he just shot her a glare. "So how's married life?" He asked, changing the topic. "How's being a cancer survivor slash doctor?" He asked. Now Meredith was glaring at him.

Christina scoffed. "Low blow, Sloan." She muttered under her breath. She ignored Meredith and Mark's annoying glares and went back to looking at her food.

"It's actually great." Izzie said feigning sweetness, much to Meredith's dismay. "I just sympathize a lot better, and they actually care what I think because they knew that I went through almost the same thing." She said snappily. "Let me ask you, did you patients know that your face is artificial?"

Alex looked surprised and Meredith's face just turned pale. "Only as much as they knew you killed a man because you _'sympathized'_ too much in your internship." He glared.

Izzie's face grew darker and she looked at him fiercely. Before she could say anything else, Meredith intercepted.

"ENOUGH." Meredith said angrily, slamming her fork down on the table. "Get your act together or just shut up." She glared at Mark and opened her mouth to speak again. "Grow up. Someone has to."

No one let out a sound. Meredith stood up abruptly and stomped off. Christina made a move to stand up and follow her but Alex put a hand to her arm. Christina looked like she would have chopped off his head but he frowned slightly. "Sloan should go after her." He said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. With that, Mark stood up and walked as fast as he could without attracting too much attention.

Mark saw her walk into a supply closet and waited a few minutes to follow her. In what felt like forever, he opened the door and was greeted by the site of her wiping her own tears. He looked at her apologetically and sat beside her. He brought his knees up to his chest, mirroring her position. He looked over at her when she gave off a few sniffs. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, putting his hands around his legs. "It was inappropriate and rude and I shouldn't have done it." The weird thing was, every word was the truth.

"They're my friends." She said, finally speaking. "They're going to find out sometime soon and I'm sorry but they're not exactly going to embrace you for it." She got lost for a while in his dark pools of blue, but began speaking again. "If this is what it's like and they don't even know? How much worse is it going to be later on?" She said desperately.

"I'm sorry." He repeated helplessly, searching her eyes for any consolation.

"You don't get it Mark. They're my family, they're not going anywhere. If we're going to make this work, they're going to be in it too." She said stiffly. Meredith was desperate for them to get along. Both sides were important to her, both sides were important for the baby. "I don't want to have to choose a side."

He looked down at his hands, and felt her shiver beside him. He made no move to wrap his arms around her shoulders as much as he wanted to. "We're going to make it work, you know." He said hopefully but with a twinge of sadness. "I promise you, I can get my act together." He said.

"I'm not going to kick you out of this baby's life Mark." She stated, slightly surprised at his subtle accusation. "I'm not that kind of person!" She said.

"I know!" Mark exclaimed. "You're not going to but I know I'm going to make a lot of mistakes, you're going to get tired of picking up the pieces Meredith." He said quietly.

"You won't. I won't." Meredith whispered, looking up at him again.

"Everyone's keen on the fact that all I'm good for is hurting people Mer." He said quietly, running his fingers into his hair.

"Have some faith." She chuckled for good measure. "You won't hurt the baby even if you tried Mark."

He looked at her as if she just said something wrong. He looked at her as if she didn't know what the world was about. "I meant that I would hurt _you_." He said softly. "I don't want to hurt you; all I want to do is keep you safe."

"Then don't leave." She whispered, looking up at him from her lashes. "Don't leave." She repeated.

Mark leaned back on the shelf and looked at her. "I don't want to have to." He answered truthfully. "I want to stay here and not hide any longer."

"Then why don't you?" Meredith asked, feeling tears brim her eyes. "Why don't you stay?" She said pleadingly.

"I can't—Lexie." He said as if it explained it all.

The truth was: it did. Lexie was the explanation to why he couldn't move a foot closer to the life with Meredith he wanted. She confused him because there were times where he felt like he loved her like he always did, but other times where he felt like he didn't know who she was anymore.

"Oh."

It was the empty, depressing sound that made Mark want to wrap his arms around her and make sure nothing could hurt her again. He wanted to protect her, but so far, all he's done was hurt her.

He felt himself gasp when Meredith leaned into him. He contained composure and closed his eyes, trying to block out her scent. Except that was too strong. He felt his nose bury itself into her hair and his chin resting on her forehead. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. He wanted to stay like that forever.

She felt herself breathe again when he pulled her closer to his chest. It was a feeling of déjà vu. The last time she had been here, like this, was with Derek. Except now it felt so right with Mark.

Outside, Lexie was waiting against the wall. Waiting for her boyfriend to declare the relationship over, waiting for her own sister to laugh in her face, waiting for the tears to fall.

When they finally did, she wiped them away quickly. She was hoping to wash out any trace of Seattle in her mind.

0000

It was like living with a ghost. Both of them were living and breathing, but not exactly _living and breathing_.

Everything felt wrong with Mark and Lexie. Their morning routines were empty and silence always came upon them when they were together. Not one of them made move to fix it. They felt as if a part of them had been ripped away when they came back to Boston from Seattle. Mark felt the spot in his heart were Meredith lay had been trampled on by her jealous sister. Lexie felt her whole heart was ripped out of her chest by the man who held it himself.

"Hi." He muttered, trying to make the gloom fade away. His attempt was in vain because Lexie didn't even look up from her morning coffee.

"We need a new coffee maker." She said glumly, looking over at the black machine that sat on their kitchen counter. "I'll get one later today." She said quietly. Mark merely nodded and put on his jacket and slipped the keys into his back pocket. The routine of him helping her with her coat was long over, Lexie noticed.

"I'll just get one at the hospital." He murmured, smoothing back the hair from his face. He bent down to buckle his shoes but was startled by Lexie's gasp. He turned around quickly, forgetting his task at hand. "What's going on?" He questioned.

Lexie rolled her eyes at the feigned concern and looked up at him. "What's going on with us Mark? Why don't you answer me?" She said coldly. Mark turned around, he had grown accustomed to her harsh questions and her sarcastic remarks it had turned into nothing special.

"I don't have time for this Lexie." He said angrily, as if speaking to a child. Lexie didn't move from her seat and just continued to eye her coffee. He turned back to her as if he willed her to move. He couldn't leave without her because that would be too spiteful for him to do.

"When do you ever have time for_me_?" She asked. The pain in her voice echoed in his ear, hurting him as much as it hurt her. "Do you even think of _me_anymore Mark?" She said, her voice stressed.

"Lexie." He sighed, dropping his hands to his sides. He made no move to approach her because he wasn't sure what he would do. This was a cycle. The next step was for her to insult Meredith and for him to take it lying down. He had yet to break that cycle.

She searched his eyes for any dignity left. "Is there any time of day that she doesn't consume all your thoughts Mark?" Her voice was seeking desperately. Mark didn't know how to grant her that answer that she wanted so much.

"Listen. I'm here now Lexie. What else can I do?" Mark said instinctively.

"No you're not." She snapped. "You're here physically, but your mind, your _emotions_ never left Seattle. Your _heart_ is back there with her." She said painfully pointing to him. "You're not the same, you're cold and you're harsh. You don't hear what I have to say." She breathed out. "You don't care!" She choked.

"I can't do this anymore!" He said harshly, banging his fist on the table causing her to jump over in shock. "Isn't this what you want? Isn't this what _you_ asked for?"

His statement only caused Lexie to cry harder. She stood up from her seat and walked closer to him, then hitting him hard on the chest. In between sobs she had replied "I want you" She cried. "I want_all_of you."

"What if I can't give you that?" He yelled to her. His eyes were filled with pain and his voice breaking yet he meant every word. "What if I can't give you what you want? What then?" He asked pleadingly, searching for the right answer.

"You haven't even tried!" She sobbed, clutching her own arms for strength. "You can't even look at me!" She screamed, moving closer to him. She felt her whole body shake and her heart throb a little more painfully.

He stepped back not able to take the accusations any longer. "I can't look at you because all I remember is the resemblance between you and _her_." He said daringly. "I can't touch you because I have to compare you to how _she_ felt in my arms." He repeated. "I can't love you because I know I'm can never be the same man since I'm in love with _her_."

Lexie felt herself throw something at him. Something hard, which turned out to be the cup in her hands. Mark looked at her disbelievingly and rubbed the scratch that ended up on his cheek so close to his eye. He looked down at the broken shards of glass on the floor and made no move to comfort her. Silence echoed the apartment. She broke it by crying even harder. She felt herself fall onto the floor and bury her head in her hands. She tried to block the world out, but all she could hear were his words repeating in her head.

_I can't look at you because all I remember is the resemblance between you and_her.

He couldn't watch her bare her pain, fresh wounds and all. He couldn't watch her cry and scream senseless curses at the god that caused his all to happen. He couldn't watch her hurt herself by hitting her feet on the floor with unbelievable force. He couldn't watch her unravel and break down because he knew all to well that he was the only one to blame.

_I can't touch you because I have to compare you to how_she _felt in my arms._

Mark didn't move an inch. He made no move to touch her because he didn't know what reaction that would cause out of her. He made no sound because that would only remind her more of what happened the past months. He couldn't move because he knew that if he did, it would definitely be the wrong one.

_I can't love you because I know I can never be the same man since I'm in love with_ her.

He risked it all by looking down at her and opening his mouth "We're over then." He had never been so insensitive and he regretted doing that. "I'm sorry Lexie."

She looked up at him and felt her heart break; this was the same man she had poured her heart out to. This was the same man that she had shared a bed with for almost half a year. This was the same man that she had thought was the one. Why did he feel so different?

She nodded and looked at him. She tried to make her voice sound stronger than she really felt. "One favor though?"

"Anything." He sighed, helping her up from the floor. Their hands met and the electricity that used to be there was gone. She wiped her cheeks and looked back up at him and nodded in thanks.

"When you book yourself a seat to Seattle, make sure to have one for me too."

Mark couldn't say no to that.

0000000

Mark was beside Lexie on the plane. They had ten minutes left which seemed like ten years. The silence was excruciating for Mark for he hadn't said a single word to her on the trip to the airport and on the plane. He had caught her looking over at him and sending him smiles. He didn't return them and instead looked away.

"I never meant to hurt you." It was like a pop in the wall they have created between them over the past four days. Lexie looked at him with wide-eyes, wondering if she said something that made him want to explain himself now of all times.

"But you did Mark." She said, narrowing her eyes. She's aware that they don't have enough time to actually talk about their situation. He was taking the easy way out and she knew it.

"But I did." Mark nodded. "And I can't tell you how sorry I am." He said pleadingly, she could practically hear the desperation in his voice for the first time. It hurt her to know that he was risking his 'manly' pride just to be with her sister.

"I know you're sorry." She nodded and looked forward. She felt the tears brim her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. Mark felt his stomach lurch when the captain declare that they were five minutes away from Seattle . He felt his heart stop when he saw the extent of his damage on Lexie's face.

"You won't…" He said selfishly. "You won't make a scene, Lex?" He said quietly, not daring to look up at her.

"No." She said rather calmly. "I won't." Somehow, there was a hint in her voice that told Mark that she was telling the truth. She looked at him and feigned a soft smile, a smile that he fell in love with not to long ago.

Mark averted his eyes and gazed at the seat in front of him, wondering what to say next. He said what came naturally "Thanks, I really appreciate it." He said quietly, gripping his arm seat as they came closer to the ground. He felt Lexie's hand on his and he shivered from the touch, he quickly tore his hand away and laid them on his lap.

"Don't be nervous." She said. She looked at him and saw the passion and love in his eyes whenever the stewardess announced that they were getting closer to Seattle. "I'm sure that she cares about you too." She nodded assuring.

That caused Mark to look up and stare at her.

"Like that wasn't what you were thinking?" Lexie scoffed. Her insides were churning because she couldn't bare the thought of them two together, but she continued to try be supportive. "I hope someone will look at me the way she looks at you." She sighed, trying to fight the urge to cry.

"Lexie…" He whispered.

She smiled at him then looked away. She had to prepare herself for what's going to come next.

0000000

He bumped into her. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming or if she got more beautiful since the last three weeks he's seen her. He looked at her beaming face and smiled. "Hi." He said, holding her waist as if to balance her.

Meredith nodded thanks because she really was about to fall. "Hi." She whispered back. She looks at him incredulously because his body language was sending signals of nervousness. Something that wasn't very common with Mark Sloan. "What's going on?" She said quietly but still smiling.

"Nothing." He grinned. "Just happy to see you that's all."

That got Meredith worried, very worried. "Mark?" She asked seriously. He was still aware that his hands were on her waist from earlier, he quickly let go and dropped his hands at his sides. Meredith would be lying if she said she didn't miss the feeling of his skin on hers but that would be incredibly inappropriate.

"Sorry I just—" He said tiredly, pushing back his hair. Meredith noticed the red scar on his left cheek. She drew her hand towards it and caressed the mark. He adored the interested and caring look in his eyes, except the moment he saw the concern written across her face he frowned.

"What happened?" She said, worry filling her voice. She sought out for explanation in his eyes because she was pretty sure she wouldn't say anything. "Mark?" She repeated quietly, dropping her hand from his cheek.

"It's nothing Mer, I'm fine." He said feigning a smile but Meredith knew him better than that. She shook her head and led him into an empty on-call room.

Little did they know Lexie and her companion could see everything.

000000000

"What's going on Mark?" She demanded, pushing him onto the bed before sitting down herself. "Explain because I really need a clearer picture." She snapped.

"Mer, calm down." He sighed, surprised at her determination.

"No. I can't calm down because you just look like you were assaulted!" She exclaimed. "Then you're in Seattle, a little less than a month early. And you say these things" She rambled. "These things that would usually make me happy but don't because you have a girlfriend who you supposedly love!" She yelled at him. Mark was taken aback at her strength.

"Lexie and I broke up." He breathed out, finally aware of how close they were.

Meredith eyed him and that concerned look was brought back. "Are you okay?" She said, finally toning down her voice.

"Yes." He said truthfully. "I am." He nodded and turned his face towards his hands, remembering his rudeness and selfishness towards her sister. Meredith looked at him disbelievingly. "I'm fine Meredith." He said reassuringly.

"What happened?" She said quietly, not wanting to make their eyes meet again. "You said everything was going great."

"I never said that." He replied. "I guess we just needed one final push to fizzle out." He said. "Don't worry though, okay?" He pushed away the hair that fell on her face and Meredith froze at the touch.

"I worry about these things." She said truthfully. "How can't I?" She asked. "Did she do that?" She said pointing at the scar on his cheek.

Mark just nodded and Meredith stayed silent. "Hey, hey. I deserved it. I was a bastard to her." He answered.

His face inched slowly towards her and she didn't pull back. His dark blue eyes were locked on her green ones. They were so close Meredith could feel his breath on her lips, she desperately wanted to kiss him and so did he. The electricity between them was intense and growing. It was like a magnetic pull that wouldn't rest.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and pulled away. Mark opened his eyes slowly and looked away at her, slightly ashamed. "I want to." She said truthfully. That caused Mark to look back up at her. "Believe me; I really want to kiss you especially since I know you're single now." She chuckled then her face went back to all seriousness. "But it would be wrong, and I don't want to do wrong with you. Not anymore." She whispered.

Mark was about to reply until the door slammed open and Derek walked in. He went straight up to Mark and pushed him out the door.

Meredith ran out just in time to see Derek's fist collide with Mark's stomach.

**A/N Long chapter just for you guys. Please review, it helps with the lack of inspiration. **


	7. Chapter 7

The chief and Alex desperately tried to pull the grown men away from each other. The brawl had advanced since Mark had started to hit back. It was déjà vu all over again for everyone, except this time they were fighting for the other sister. Mark's fist hit Derek's eye for the second time in the last five minutes. No one could interfere because of the fear of getting too involved would cause them battle wounds.

"Son of a bitch" Mark seethed as he hooked his right arm around Derek's waist, pinning him to the ground. He started to continuously attack every available side of Derek's body. It only enraged Derek more. Derek used it to his advantage and grabbed Mark's arm and threw him onto the floor heavily. Mark panted breathlessly and grabbed Derek's foot. He was too fast for the tired, pained surgeon.

"Careful Mark" He growled, kicking him down to the floor. He carefully stood up and towered over him like a giant. "No one likes a sore loser." He said venom apparent in his voice. He kicked Mark's gut over and over again until Alex threw him against the wall.

Alex was finally able to drag Derek away as the chief pulled Mark against the wall. Mark wiped the blood from his lip angrily as Derek fought his way towards him again. Alex wouldn't have it; he pushed him roughly against the wall as the chief had done to Mark. Derek snarled at the contact and winced because bruises were going to form.

"Get them fixed up Karev." The chief ordered angrily, acting as a fence between the two enraged men. "What are all of you standing around for?!" He yelled at the bystanders. Meredith ran to Mark's side and the chief immediately understood. Bailey saw her resident and looked for the Neuro attending in haste so he didn't have to see the exchange.

Meredith's hand locked on Mark's cheek, her concern-filled eyes searched for more wounds. She quickly helped him up from his current position which caused him to groan in pain. She put her shoulder underneath his arms to act as a support for him. He limped while walking with her to the nearest exam room.

Derek saw everything and growled when Bailey touched his arm. Bailey just scoffed and helped him up; it wasn't the tender gesture but instead rough and angry. She dragged him to the opposite hall and shut him inside a room where Alex would later on assist him.

"I'm guessing he knows." Mark said as Meredith prepared the sutures for him. His eye and his lip were cut badly and he probably had bruises all around his body.

"Stop moving" Meredith snapped angrily, letting Mark sit down on the chair carefully. She stood in front of him and gently cleaned his eye. Her anger at Derek was obvious to anyone in the room. Tension was radiating off her body and Mark was oddly calm at the moment. It continued to puzzle Meredith to no end. The confusion on her face didn't go unnoticed. Mark smiled at her and continued to watch her do her work.

"I think he still loves you" Mark said breaking the silence and wincing as Meredith stitched his face. He cradled his hand against his chest, trying to focus on that pain instead of the cut under his eye.

"Hold still." She demanded, pushing his shoulder much to Mark's dismay. He let out a muttered curse and looked back up at her.

"I'm serious. I think he still loves you." He said quietly. Meredith could hear the worry in his voice but was too outraged to analyze it further.

"He still had no right." She fumed angrily, as she stitched up with perfect precision. "I told you though" She began, her voice softer. "He never loved me; he loved the idea of me. Two different things." She muttered under her breath.

"Do you think he knows about the baby?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know." She answered. Her eyes met his and they shared a look of fear. "I doubt it." She said, snapping both of them out of their daze. Mark nodded and no one spoke.

He thought about the looks Derek and Meredith used to share. He thought about how he encouraged him to send those looks. His stomach turned when his memory shifted to Derek's hands on Meredith, his lips on hers… "I think I'm going to throw up." He said nauseously, clutching his stomach. Meredith kicked the trash can in his direction and he eyed it, weighing the possibility of Meredith running out the door while he spewed. "Maybe not." He said decidedly.

Mark bit his lip and regretted it, trying not to focus on the pain he looked up at her. He was now aware to how close they were to each other. Meredith's petite body was standing in the middle of his legs since he was seated and his hands on her waist. She didn't seem to mind. He could feel the heat radiating off her body, probably because of anxiety he decided. He looked up at her again and her face was filled with anger, at Derek, and whenever he seemed to smile at her, her face grew softer, more gentle.

"Who do you think told him?" Mark said, now staring straight ahead. This was a wrong move because now he was staring directly at her chest. Meredith blushed and Mark felt himself chuckle. He looked at the side to put her at ease.

Meredith finished her last stitch and looked down at him. "I'm not going to assume anything." She said quietly yet truthfully. When she was finished, Mark nodded. She sat down in the chair beside him and started bandaging his hand.

"But it's safe to say the source was Lexie." He said and she nodded silently. His gaze traveled down to her stomach and then to her small hand. Every touch was electrifying.

"I'm sorry." She finally said, breaking the silence. He looked at her questioningly, urging her to continue. "It's my fault. I should have told him earlier."

Mark let out a booming laugh that surprised Meredith. She looked up at him with sincere eyes, wondering why he was laughing at such a serious topic as this. "Only you would blame yourself." He laughed as an explanation.

Meredith still didn't see the hilarity in the situation. "What's that supposed to mean?" She pouted yet still continuing to bandage his hand.

"You didn't tell your ex you slept with his ex-best friend who happens to be the same man that slept with his wife?" He laughed. "You won't be the only one to keep it a secret, Mer." He nodded, Meredith didn't laugh but glared at him.

"How are you not mad?!" She said roughly which only caused Mark to grin more. He faced her and smiled.

"Someone once told me that whining wouldn't get me anywhere." He smiled. "I'd have nothing to lose if Derek beat me up. I'd have everything to gain if I kept my head and didn't look for revenge." He said softly.

"What's that?" She whispered.

"You." He replied quietly.

Meredith didn't look back at him and tapped his hand, signaling that she was done. They both stood up and Meredith opened her mouth to speak. "It shouldn't have to be this painful." She said, indicating his new bruises. "There shouldn't have to be scuffles and fights to see who gets the girl." She said weakly.

She surprised him again by leaning into his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He laid his hands on her hips and didn't pull her any closer because of the existent bruises. He winced at the contact when her hand pressed against his shoulder.

"Mark?" She asked worriedly, looking up at him.

Mark groaned as she untangled herself from him and searched, as she did before, for wounds. "It's just a bruise Meredith."

"Bruises don't cause you that much pain." She said knowingly. "You should get checked out by Callie." She said quietly. As she walked away she felt him clutch her hand weakly.

"Don't leave." He said, mirroring her only weeks ago.

"I'll come back. I promise." She replied.

0000000

Meredith's calm and gentle demeanor was lost the moment she walked out that door. She stomped her way to an open exam room where she eyed her best friend. On her way there, she received worried stares from nurses who should mind their own business. Somehow, she could care less. She walked inside the room and slammed the door with all the possible force she could muster. Derek scowled at her and Alex just looked worried.

"Give us a moment Alex." She demanded. Except Alex stayed put, he didn't move from his position which was bandaging Derek's two million dollar—maybe more—a year hands. "Alex, give us a moment." She said with stronger force.

Alex didn't move but instead looked at her. "I'm not leaving you with him." He said stiffly, looking between the two ex-lovers. "You wish Meredith." He said.

Once Meredith knew that he was just worried about her, she began to calm down. "Alex." She said warningly, causing Derek to jump in shock. He wasn't used to seeing this side of Meredith, the fierce angry side.

"Fine, but don't close the door." Alex muttered. He walked out the door and stayed in front of it, blocking anyone's view in and vice versa. He was uncomfortable with leaving Meredith alone in there because Derek seemed very, very unstable at the moment.

Derek made a move to speak but Meredith snapped her finger on his lips. "You don't get to talk." She said fiercely. "You don't get to do anything right now!" She yelled. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to fight the urge to hit him. She noticed the discoloration on his eye and what would form as a bruise. She just smirked wickedly but her face came to a frown when Derek began speaking.

"You slept with Mark!" He said furiously between gritted teeth.

"You had no right! You had no right to do that to Mark—_especially right in front of me_." She seethed. "What happened between me and Mark—or what you think happened between me and Mark couldn't be any less of your business." She fumed. When he opened his mouth she hit his arm with so much force he tumbled back in pain. "You crossed the line Derek." She hissed, shaking her head.

"You slept with my friend! The same best friend that ruined my marriage." He seethed. "You of all people should know I wouldn't take it lying down. I would never take something as big as this lying down." He glared, daring her to continue.

"God Derek, do you really want to bring Addison in to this?" She asked sarcastically.

"I kissed her! You _slept_with Mark." He said as if he made it any better.

"I slept with him_after_we were broken up." She retorted. "I didn't do anything to you." Her face was red with anger and so was his. Meredith had revenge in her eyes, something Derek was very afraid of.

"Meredith, honestly, at some point you were thinking of how much it would _kill_ me when you were fucking around with him." He said angrily. If glares could kill, Meredith would definitely be dead right now. She put on a brave face and stomped up to him.

"Not everything I do is to spite you, Derek." She said angrily. "Is your fucking ego _that big_?" She said, sarcasm laced in her voice. "I didn't tell you because you didn't _have to_ know! I didn't owe _you_ anything." She said fiercely. She dared him to continue his side of the fight, doing that only made him angrier.

"You were the love of my life!" He yelled at her, walking closer. "I _loved_you! I had every right to know if you were screwing my best friend. I had the right to know if you were screwing the best friend that was seeing your sister! _Your own sister_, Meredith!" He said disbelievingly. Meredith had no response to that. She could hear Alex shuffling nervously outside the door, debating on whether to go in or not. She looked into his rage-filled eyes and saw fear. "I don't even _know you_ anymore! How could you stoop that low?!"

"I was drunk! It never meant to happen!" She screamed at him.

"You didn't mean for it to happen like I never meant to hurt you?" He said. "And now you're thinking, damn he has a point. What now, Meredith? What then?" He demanded.

Meredith bit back the tears forming in her eyes, knowing the truth in every word he was saying. "You better stay out of it Derek." She hissed. "This is _my_ life; I don't want you in it!"

Derek just shook his head at her and felt his eyes sting. "Did it really mean nothing after that display earlier?" He fumed. He crossed his arms over his chest and locked his eyes on hers. His jaw clenched when she opened her mouth to speak.

She closed it again and Derek nodded, she remained speechless with the newfound information that she was so caught up with Mark she forgot everyone was probably watching. "That's what I thought." Derek said soberly.

"He's different." Meredith said quickly yet quietly.

"Are you actually thinking about starting something with him?" Derek asked spite evident in his voice. "You are, aren't you?" He chuckled. It was a dark, humorless sound that made Meredith's stomach churn. She felt like shrinking and disappearing, anywhere other than here sounded better by the minute.

"Just leave us alone Derek." She said warningly. Derek didn't take the bait, her voice was breaking and her face was nervous. He dared her to continue and he hoped she actually would so he could try and understand their twisted connection. "Leave us alone." She repeated, yet now it was softer and had a hint of desperation.

Derek's eyes went wide and his breath hitched. She loved him and she knew it. "He's going to hurt you Meredith."

That caused Meredith's eyes to bulge out of their sockets. "You seriously, seriously want to go there?" She demanded, stepping back from him out of disbelief. Of all things, he wanted to bring this up with her. He wanted to show her that Mark Sloan would hurt her. The same Mark that protected and defended her from him.

"He's going to hurt you and someone's going to have to pick up the pieces." He continued on bravely. The weight of Meredith's glare was enough to hurt him severely. "I'm not going to pick up the pieces."

"I never asked you to!" Meredith exclaimed, her voice was loud and was able to be heard from across the hall, where Mark was. "Why does everyone say he's going to hurt me? Why can't I choose?" Her face was hot with tears that were fighting to break free. Meredith wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Because that's who he is! Because that's what he does." Derek said, finding realization that everyone was staring at them. "That's what he does Meredith, I'm just protecting you." He whispered, lowering his voice for only her to hear.

"Derek, everyone thought that you were reliable, everyone thought that you were honest. You proved to me the exact opposite." She seethed. "And actually? Everyone is going to eventually hurt you. That's the lesson you, my mom and my dad taught me. Everyone is going to eventually hurt you." She said, turning around to walk to the door.

"You don't know anything about him Meredith." He said.

She looked back at him and said something that made his heart ache and his head throb: "You're just going to have to decide who's worth the pain. Mark? He's definitely worth the pain, that's all I have to know."

00000000

Simultaneously across the hall, another intervention was taking place between two ex-lovers. "She's using you and you're letting her." The voice was raspy and desperate but Mark couldn't listen. It hurt him to hear people talk about her like that. It hurt him to know that Meredith was being battered and bruised by people he called his friends.

His heart was heavy and his head painful. His body ached and he just wished every buzzing sound in his head would just stop. He looked at her with broken eyes but she held no sympathy for the man. "Just let me go Callie." He said, trying to control the temper that was on the verge of bursting.

"You don't get it! I just don't want to see you get hurt!" The Ortho surgeon said angrily. He was blind sighted by the little blonde doctor. He was charmed and it was her job to stop him from going any farther. She closed her eyes, trying to control her temper just like he had done.

"Why the fuck would she use me? Please, by all means, enlighten me with your theories." Mark said sarcastically. His voice was heavy and he had no energy to speak to her, especially about his attraction to Meredith.

Callie looked shocked at annoyed, she shook her head at Mark and continued with her points. "This is revenge for her, for both Lexie and Shepherd." She said strategically. "She's using you to hurt them." Callie said.

Mark narrowed his eyes at his best friend. "Do you ever think that besides all of that, she just likes me?" He said, rolling his eyes.

"Meredith hurt her own sister. No one is that low." Callie fumed. "Either way, it makes her a bitch." She shrugged angrily.

He felt himself frown at her statement, there was no way she was calling Meredith—pregnant and vulnerable Meredith—a bitch. "You seem to have forgotten that I was involved too? Are you going to call _me_ names now?" He said, sarcasm laced in his voice.

"Don't be difficult Mark." She exhaled, almost hissing. "She's all over you, everyone sees it." She crossed her arms over her chest bravely.

Mark felt his jaw tighten at her accusation. "You should know the story _before_ you judge."

"Please, by all means enlighten me." She said in mock repetition. He glared at her and pursed his lips. He didn't speak after that.

His eyes practically popped out of his head. "I don't owe you anything!" He yelled, moving closer to her. She stepped back out of fear.

She hesitated before she spoke again but she gathered enough strength to continue. "You owe me an explanation Mark." She pleaded.

"I'll come to you when I have one! Do you think I understand any of this?! Do you think I'm sure about any of this?!" He shouted.

"You seemed pretty sure with your display with Meredith! You seemed pretty damn sure when humiliated Lexie with your love show." She fumed. "I'm your best friend Mark! As my best friend, you're not going to hide things from me."

"I know that!" It was an outburst that surprised both of them. "I know perfectly well that you're my best friend. It's you who I think needs that fucking memory boost." He said fiercely.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Callie asked angrily.

"As my best friend you support _me!_As my best friend you are on _my_ side, no one else's. As my best friend you don't question_me_." He said angrily, his voice getting dangerously high. "Because, fuck, Callie. I am so confused and what you're doing isn't helping at all."

"Mark…" She started to say, but Mark cut her off.

"Don't you dare, Torres. You have no idea what's going on. When you do, that still doesn't give you a right to judge Meredith. You got me?" He hissed.

Callie gaped at him open-mouthed as he walked away.

00000

"Sloan. Shepherd. Meredith and Lexie Grey to my office NOW!" The chief's voice boomed through the hall. He slammed the door to his office, impatiently waiting inside.

The four looked at each other, some eyes filled with longing and others rage directed towards another. They walked, first Lexie then Mark and Meredith and lastly, the pained Derek. They didn't dare utter a word when Patricia led them inside the office. They didn't dare glance at each other.

"Sit down." The chief demanded.

Within seconds, everyone was seated. He towered over them like a predator. Meredith and Lexie were terrified but the two older men had been in this situation before. "What makes you think I have time for this?!" The chief's voice was rough and cold but all together demanding an answer. "What makes you think I have any time to dissolve your childish squabbles?! I am old. I am tired. I am worn-out. What makes you think I want to waste my time trying to fix you people!?"

His rage only continued further. "Your personal lives belong outside this hospital. I have turned a blind eye over and over again but that stops today. That stops now because you know why?" He said furiously. Meredith shook her head tentatively and Lexie shot her a glare. Lexie's attention was pulled back when the chief's voice only got louder.

"Because three families came up to me and asked—no, demanded!--why my head of Neuro was punching out a guest at this hospital. They asked me why I allowed _my hospital_ to be used as a boxing ring!" He seethed. "This is my hospital, my surgical program. I will not allow you to make a fool out of me."

At the corner of his eye, Mark looked at Meredith. She seemed nervous and scared. He understood completely, this man was the only father figure she's ever had. She couldn't disappoint him. Both Lexie and Derek scowled which only enraged the chief more.

"When you pull off a stunt like this, I am called into question. Not you, _me_." He said, his ears steaming. "And in the end, I have to deal with these things anyway. That is why I demand you to keep your personal lives to yourself." He fumes. "If you can't do that, I won't hesitate to forcefully remove you from my program." He directed to Meredith.

"Richard…" Derek started to say slowly.

The chief whipped his head around to face Derek. "That includes you Derek." He glared. "As for the two of you, I don't care what you do just don't involve me or my hospital. Believe me, I still have influential power." He threatened.

Just at that moment, the door creaked open and everyone looked behind. They were all relieved for something else to occupy their attentions. Except the moment they saw the person, all of them groaned inwardly. "Chief you had me paged…" The form of Miranda Bailey said nervously. She understood that the chief was beyond angry. Doing anything to worsen that was definitely a bad idea.

"You are going to talk some sense into these morons." He demanded. "None of you—I repeat, none of you are leaving until you get over these issues of yours." He said.

That left everyone shocked and surprised, especially Dr. Bailey. Except a few minutes later, she regained the smug look on her face. "Are you handling this Dr. Bailey?" He said, superior mode intact.

"Yes, sir." She said, narrowing her eyes at the four. "I have everything under control." She shot all of them death glares and her eyes met Richard's.

"Do your worst Bailey, do your worst." He muttered. He opened the door with a relieved sigh and left the five to themselves.

"You all might as well quiver in fear." Bailey said angrily. "Because what you did today was unacceptable." Her voice had distinct fierceness to it that was all Bailey. Simultaneously, everyone looked down at their hands, trying to block her glare.

"Listen, I better get out of here." Mark said daringly.

_Wrong move_. Everyone thought automatically. Bailey moved in front of him and even though she was a little more than half his height, Mark was pushed back into the chair. "You listen to me. When I speak, no one does unless I ask you to." She said. "Got it?"

Mark merely nodded and Bailey smirked. "You all think that you are the center of the world don't you?" She said with her devilish grin. "You all think you're soo high and mighty you get to disregard everything and everyone." She chanted.

This was all too familiar for Meredith so she knew the right moves. She didn't look Bailey in the eye. She didn't move. She didn't speak.

"Watching you is like watching a bad soap." She said, disgust apparent on her face. "You're so caught up in your _own lives_, you forget you're here for a _reason._" She said, her voice more human and less sarcastic. "You forget you are _doctors_ for a reason." She had gained volume that made Lexie nervously shifted in her seats. "You forget that I don't want to hear about your lives the moment I walk in or any other moment for that matter."

Derek opened his mouth and Bailey shushed him. "I don't care who started what. I don't care about your petty little excuses, don't you forget that." She glared. "I would be at home, with my son, who needs me more if it weren't for you four morons and your drama. I would be at home, with my son, who needs me more if it weren't for you four morons and your failure to stay discreet. Didn't any of you learn how to deal with your issues in any other way than punching each other and screaming?!" She seethed. "Shame on your parents for not teaching their children. Shame on _you_for not trying to learn."

Meredith evidently grimaced. Bailey snapped her head at her and sighed. "I know about you more than I need to, more than I _want_ to." She said with sincere eyes. "I know enough to understand that all of you have your issues, my job now is to let you talk about it."

That caused everyone break into laughter or look at her disbelievingly. "Seriously?" Meredith said, eyes wide with panic.

"Yes seriously." Bailey nodded. "I'm under orders to fix you. This apparently is the most effective way."

"According to who?" Derek scoffed, the only thing he received was a glare directed at him.

"According to ME." She snapped. "And if you have a problem with that, you can all find new jobs that don't include practicing medicine because I swear to Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the chief can and will ruin you if you don't get your act together." That made everyone shut up and Bailey's smug smirk appeared again. "So who's first?" She said cheerily.

The awkward silence throbbed Meredith's ears as she glanced from one to another. No one dared defy Dr. Miranda Bailey but this was too big a deal. Little by little, Bailey's smile faded and was replaced by a dark frown that scared everyone.

"I'll go?" Mark finally said above the silence. Bailey nodded at him and kicked Derek in the shin for glaring so hard. "Lexie I cheated on you with your sister. I'm sorry that I only told you now. I never intended it to happen. We both were drunk…out of our minds. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do." He said robotically.

Lexie rolled her eyes. "Then why did you do it again and again?" She snapped causing Bailey to frown. "Why did you pretend you loved me when it was always Meredith?" She demanded.

Everyone's eyes grew wide and Meredith's face flushed red.

"I'm sorry." Mark muttered, staring at her. Bailey nodded at him, signaling him to continue "It just wasn't something I couldn't control." He shrugged, unashamed.

"You couldn't control yourself?" Derek scoffed. "She spread her legs wide open for you and you just had to put in, didn't you?" He said bitterly, his face obviously filled with distaste.

Neither Bailey nor Meredith made a move to intervene. Meredith didn't defend herself but looked at her sister who slightly felt forgotten. "What is your problem?" Mark said searching Derek's eyes for an answer.

"My problem?" He asked, his eyes dark and his eyes narrowed. "She was my girlfriend!"

"Ex-girlfriend." Meredith muttered but her protest went ignored.

"But everyone knows Meredith puts out for everyone. How could anyone be surprised?" Lexie said angrily, which caused Bailey to close her eyes out of frustration. "She either screws you or screws you over." She shot.

Imitating Bailey, Meredith closed her eyes and tried to block out the noise. Lexie rolls her eyes at the gesture. "Do you know that she's pregnant?" She asked Derek. She crossed her arms over her chest and Mark eyed her angrily. He wondered why she would even think of dropping this on them now of all times. Bailey and Derek froze, this being the first time they heard the not-so-happy news Lexie had just revealed.

Everyone didn't speak. No one could believe Lexie had dropped the baby bomb. "Is she keeping it?" Derek hissed, acting as if she wasn't there. "Is she?" He questioned.

"Enough" Bailey muttered, trying to calm everyone down unsuccessfully. "Enough." Her eyes were closed at her heart aching for her poor resident. She was being battered by people she called—or used to call—her family.

But Derek was beyond reason. He looked from Meredith to Mark and his eyes widened. "How could she even think of keeping it?!" He said disbelievingly.

Mark was furious. "Derek, just because it's my child doesn't mean she's going to abort it!" He yelled, standing up from his seat, causing Bailey to jump in surprise. She sent Meredith an 'are-you-okay' look and Meredith couldn't let her eyes meet hers. "She's not going to abort anyone's child!" He defended.

"Really Meredith?" Lexie chided. "You haven't aborted a baby before? Surprising if you ask me." The bitterness in her voice was echoing across the room. Meredith winced at her accusation. Meredith was determined not to cry but as second passed, it seemed harder.

"You're really a lot dumber than I thought." Derek directed at Meredith, lifting an eyebrow questioningly. Meredith didn't reproach. It took all her energy not to fight back and get mad and Bailey was not as thankful for it as she should have been.

No one spoke, but the weight of their glares was painful enough. Derek's eyes searched for Meredith's, Mark's looked at Derek's, Lexie's eyes painfully watched Mark and Meredith's never left the floor. It felt like years until Mark stood up angrily, causing Meredith to jump in surprise.

"Enough! I've had enough of your bitching and whining." He said furiously. "I don't give a shit about what you say to me, call me a whore or a bastard or whatever you like. Just don't thrash her." He said angrily. "Neither of you have any right to blame her and call her names, as much as you think you do. If you're trying to convince yourself that neither of us feels anything about each other, grow up. What you're doing is a pathetic attempt to look strong. Do you hear me? Pathetic. I cannot believe that I almost felt pity for the both of you because you're so pathetic. You're doing this to get back at us or get attention? Just stop because it's not working. Both of you! Have some pride and move on." He growled. "Derek? You call her a whore or any other thing for that matter, I will break your face. Lexie, your excuse is that we hurt you? Deal with it, act mature for once. Stop bitching about it and go on with your life." He stomped off and left them all in their own shock. He slammed the door so hard, the painting next to it fell from the force.

No one looked at each other, but Bailey was smiling a triumphant smile. "Go after him, Grey." She whispered, causing Derek and Meredith's head to shoot up. "He obviously cares about you, go after him." She said pointedly.

Meredith nodded and stood up. She knew where he would go and made her way down the stairs in master time. She ran out the door and into the rain. The slippery surface, caused her to collide with his muscular back. Mark turned around and grabbed her waist, hauling her up from the ground to make her find balance. She sent him a soft smile with a hint of longing. Only then did she notice that his eyes were prickled with tears.

The cold rain slid down her face and all she could do was stare, stare at the masterpiece of a man before her. Mark sighed and put her down on her feet. Meredith started shivering at the loss of contact and searched his eyes for any regret. She looked at him questioningly and he just raised his left eyebrow. "You should go inside." He said, his voice still shaking from his outburst only a few minutes ago. "You're freezing."

Meredith shook her head and stayed put, afraid of what he would do if he left. "I'm not leaving you." She said. _Not now, not ever._Her mind told her to say but she just couldn't bring the words to her lips. "Please stay."

He avoided her gaze but eventually looked back down at her. "What do you want from me, Meredith? All I cause you is pain." He sighed.

"You." She said breathlessly. "I want you." Her eyes were wide and sincere and he could even see a hint of love. "I want you. Only you." She pleaded again. She tiptoed and kissed him softly. Mark didn't move.

She felt something tug her heart. She stepped back and looked at his closed eyes. She felt tears of her own fall and she didn't wipe them away. She silently begged him to stay. He finally opened his eyes but had a grim look on his face. "You should go inside Meredith. You're going to get sick."

"So are you." She whispered stubbornly, trying to ignore the ache her heart was feeling. She dropped her hands from his arms, her arms dangled loosely on her sides. Her face was wet with rain and her own tears and she couldn't care less. She was looked like a mess but she knew that Mark wouldn't judge her. She felt Mark intake a breath and she did the same. He looked at her, a smile gracing his lips for a moment.

Mark shook his head and cupped his hands around her cheeks and she felt herself jump in surprise for the second time that hour. Her hair was soaked and tangled up but if it was even possible, the rain made her look even more beautiful. He drew her closer and for a second, she thought he was going to kiss her back.

He kissed her forehead. It was tender and sweet but not what she hoped for. He wiped away the tear that slid down her face, he pulled her closer to him and he wrapped his arms around her waist. She could feel his hot breath on his forehead and closed her eyes. "You don't want me." She said quietly.

Mark didn't pull away and for a moment there, she was worried he would leave. "You said that you don't want to start this—us—the wrong way. Us like this, fumed up after a fight would be the wrong way Meredith."

_Damn myself for even opening my mouth._She thought. "Can you say it just once, just for me?" She said, she inwardly cursed for sounding so desperate but felt the ends of his lips curve into a smile.

"I want you Meredith Grey."


	8. Chapter 8

He wouldn't have fucking told them.

Except he _fucking_ did.

If Derek Shepherd wasn't her boss and didn't hold her entire future in Neuro in his hands, he would be a dead man—an honest to goodness, fucking dead man.

The harsh whispers and 'I-told-you-so-s' she could definitely handle. She could even handle the disgusted glares sent by people she barely knew. What she couldn't handle was the pitying glances and offers to help being sent her way every minute. Everyday, all the time all she wanted to scream was 'I'm pregnant, I'm not paralyzed!' and 'I can damn well press the elevator button on my own!'.

Now everyone knew about her predicament, everyone including the transferees from Mercy West. The chief's reaction made it worse, he immediately allowed her to talk time off. TIME OFF SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF A MERGER. She was fuming and her face was definitely going red with anger no matter how hard she tried to control it. And yes, she did want to control it more than anything because fellow residents were scooping up her surgeries, telling her she's under too much stress.

SHE WOULD DAMN WELL KNOW IF SHE WAS UNDER TOO MUCH STRESS.

She speared her salad so hard, the fork pierced through the plastic container. Meredith pushed it away grumpily and instead harshly opened the bottle of water in front of her. She was sitting alone because all her friends had surgeries to get to, she wasn't allowed in one because they assumed that she couldn't stand on her feet for two fucking hours! Just thinking about it made her angrier that a growl escaped her lips when someone plopped in the seat in front of her.

"Calm down." He said with a smirk. Meredith just sent a scowl his way. "The salad obviously didn't do anything to you."

"It's not the salad. It's the damn people." She shot his way.

His eyes widened and he let out a hearty chuckle. "You seem pissed." He said sarcastically.

"That's because I am pissed!" She exclaimed angrily. She regretted the sharp tone in her voice but she knew that he would understand. He did and just shot her a meek smile that did wonders.

"They'll let you in the OR Meredith. Just wait and see." He smiled, leaning back into the chair and put his hands behind his head.

She laughed sarcastically. "I have been waiting!" She whined. "Everyone is in a surgery but me. Everyone has a patient except me! I'm supposed to be gaining time in the OR—I'm not supposed to be losing any!" She said, her voice sounding like a child's.

"Come on, you're under a lot of stress Meredith." He said much to her dismay. "Lexie just left and Derek's not going any easier on you and don't say that my working here again isn't different." He said truthfully. "Different is stressful."

She scowled, causing him to laugh. "Surgery is the relief from the stress! I bet you feel exactly the same!"

"Ahh." He said, giving her his perfect grin. "That's where you're wrong."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" She asked. "They expect me to get some practice by going into OBGYN. I just hate it." She said angrily. Her eyes had the little sparkle of fierceness that he loved to see. He turned towards her and pushed back her hair which caused her to release a huff.

He smiled sincerely at her and opened his mouth to speak. "Calm down and take a deep breath, just relax for a while." He said pleasantly. She closed her eyes and felt his hand brush away the hair on her face. She took a deep breath which caused him to smile even wider. "You're going to go crazy if you continue this Mer."

"They're making me crazy." She said her voice barely audible. That caused Mark to burst out laughing. "It's not funny." She pouted.

He tilted his head towards her. "It kind of is." He grinned.

"Easy for you to say, you have a Rhinoplasty in an hour." She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

Mark chuckled and he quickly stood up from his chair. He offered a hand and helped her get up. Trying to keep her from falling, he snaked his hand around her waist. He was close enough to notice the bump growing on her stomach. He saw her redden at the attention and quickly removed his arm and rubbed his hand against it. He turned towards her and his face broke out into a grin. "Do you want to watch?" He asked her, falling into step.

Meredith continued walking and couldn't make herself face him. "I really want to be in it." She said quietly. She stared straight ahead, waiting for his answer.

She heard Mark groan and he grabbed her arm, signaling her to stop walking. "Mer, I'm sorry..." He said silently, though he just couldn't look directly at her.

"No, you're just doing your job. I keep on forgetting favoritism is frowned upon." She giggled, trying to cover her feeling of defeat. "My fault, I shouldn't have asked you. Stupid me for trying to win you over." She grinned.

_You already have._He thought to himself. "Who said you were my favorite?" He teased, a beam etching across his face. "I think you should shrink down your ego to its normal size." He laughed and they both began walking again.

Meredith playfully hit him on the shoulder but pulled the chart closer to her chest which caused Mark to raise his eyebrow in surprise. "The stares." She said, and it was explanation enough.

He leaned in to her ear and whispered. "They get better."

Meredith merely nodded. He hated seeing her this way, disturbed and vulnerable. He tried to fix it by leaning into her again. "Tell me who they are and I can get them on scut for a month." He grinned.

She looked at him and smirked. "I told you I was your favorite." She laughed and was immediately put at ease.

Mark smiled down at her, looking at her adoringly. "Now I'm off to go. I'll see you later?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course." She said softly. He gave her a small wave and he headed off to a different direction. She felt herself release a breath that she had been holding in the whole time. He was giving up so much for her and the baby that she didn't know what to say anymore. She smoothed over her wrinkled shirt and followed after him.

She reached him a foot away from the door. "I guess I am watching." She grinned, entering the gallery. He stood there shocked at the spitfire that she had turned into, only seconds later from admitting defeat. He entered the OR and saw her there, sitting in the front row beside her best friend.

Meredith sent him a small smile which caused her friend to roll her eyes. "What?" She said playfully to Christina.

"Could you be any more public?" She snapped crankily which caused Meredith to stick out her tongue childishly. "No wonder Lexie thought you two were assholes, both of you can't give the cuddly shit a rest." She scowled. "Honestly Meredith, can you at least have the decency to not look like a whore? Because defending you to the nurses and the new residents is getting kind of tiring." She said.

"What is your problem?" Meredith hissed angrily. Mark's eyes darted up at hers and she didn't notice.

"No Meredith, what is your problem?" Christina said. "You're turning weak, you haven't cut in what? Two weeks, that's disgusting. And you're all happy about it just because you have your McSteamy." She rolled her eyes.

"It's not like any of them would offer me surgeries!" She exclaimed disbelievingly.

"You're not fighting him for any!" She declared, trying to lower their voices. The focus was now on the surgery ongoing, but the heat of their eyes could melt the room. "You seem so contented! But listen up Mer, he's a liar and a whore and you shouldn't trust him."

"What the hell did he do to you Christina?" She demanded angrily. She frustratingly tugged on her shirt, she was feeling very exposed.

Christina shook her head sarcastically. "What did you let him do to you? You know he's the reason you're not getting any surgeries right?" She said, venom evident in her voice

Meredith sat there, open mouthed. "What did you just say?"

"You're not getting any surgeries because he told the chief to keep you out of them." She said, suddenly regretting ever telling her friend. "I heard the nurses talking about it." She spoke, thinking it would make things better.

"You're lying, Mark and I just spoke." Meredith hissed, her eyes were heating up and she was on the verge of tears. "I thought you were on my side?"

"I am Meredith!" She whispered. "I am on your side; I just don't want you to get hurt." She said quietly, looking down at her hands. "He's not worth trusting, alright?"

Meredith searched her eyes, hoping she wasn't telling the truth. "You know what you're doing right?" Meredith asked quietly. "You know what this means for me, Christina?" She said.

"I wouldn't lie to you Meredith, not about this. Definitely not about this." She said solemnly. Meredith quickly stood up and made no eye contact. This caught everyone's attention, including Mark who was in the gallery below. He sent her a questioning gaze yet Meredith ignored it and continued her trek to the chief's office.

"Is it true?" Meredith said, catching him on his way out.

The chief, obviously not surprised, sighed. "Let's talk in my office." He said. He led the way and nodded to Patricia who sent him a concerned glare. Meredith was definitely not a killer or anything of that sort but the woman had some power over him.

"What the hell was that about?" Meredith screamed at him as he sat into his chair. "I SPENT A WHOLE WEEK! I spent a whole fucking week thinking I did something wrong and that I didn't deserve to be near a fucking OR!" She fumed.

"Mark expressively said…" Richard began.

"I don't care what he said!" Meredith screeched. "I don't give a damn. He had no right whatsoever to talk to you about my personal life." She said. Though she was only all of 110 pounds, she scared him to death.

"He said that you were under stress, that you were pregnant and it would be at both of your risks to be put under any more work." His voice boomed. "You are pregnant and he has an excellent point Meredith."

"Well, look how that turned out." She said sarcastically. "Honestly, if it were anyone else you wouldn't have complied wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?" She said, her voice cold and harsh. Her eyes narrowed when the chief hesitated. "That's what I thought."

"I'm not going to deny that you're different, Meredith." He said, leaning back into his chair though not receiving any patience from Meredith. "I care about you; .I thought I made that clear." He replied quietly.

She scowled at him deeply. "Just because you had an affair with my mother doesn't mean you have any right to have control over MY life." She screamed. "My relationship with Mark or this baby shouldn't be any of your concern!" Her eyes were filled with anger and frustration which caused him to groan in reply. "You don't get to dictate what I can or can't do."

"Maybe I wasn't doing it for you?" He said fiercely. "Just for a second, think that maybe I was doing it for my hospital that didn't need someone unstable, frustrated and tired twenty four hours a day." He stood up and towered over her fearlessly. "Just for a second Meredith, think that maybe it wasn't all about you."

"This was all I had left! This hospital, this job! Chief, if you paid attention to what was going on, you'd know that my life is falling apart. You don't understand that this was the only thing left keeping me standing." She yelled. "I need this job, taking it away from me would only make things worse." She said adamantly.

"I am doing no such thing." He replied harshly. "Do you know I was exactly where you are?"

"Don't even start." She choked out. "I don't need your sympathy."

"Will you just let me finish?!" He screamed. "I was exactly where you are. I drank myself into a downward spiral just because my life wasn't turning out to be the best one. You can't need your job, Meredith. That's one mistake I won't have you make. I know exactly what it's like to need your job so much; it's the only thing that keeps you waking up in the mornings. There's life outside this hospital" He said, sitting down on the table in front of her. "I feel like I learned that too late." He looked at her caringly. "You can have so much to live for if you just look for it."

Meredith felt tears sting her eyes. "I need a break too." He continued. "I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I feel like I'm on the border of unstable, just like you. Be thankful that there's someone who cares for you the way Dr. Sloan does. I sure wish I still had that person."

"He had no right…" She began, slumping in her seat.

"Maybe." He interrupted. "But he's doing this in your best interest. He doesn't want to see you hurt." He said. "I think you should go talk to him." He nodded, excusing her from the room.

Meredith stood up and walked out into the hall. She slumped against the hard glass railing and felt herself sighing. Cooling-off was number one on her list now. She started walking and it only took seconds for her to eventually reach the OR, except she wished that was enough to be able to control herself from saying harsh words. She still somehow doubted it was enough. She opened the door to the scrub room and forced out a smile.

"Hey" He grinned, looking up at her. "Let me just finish this." He said, automatically scrubbing his hands with soup again. When he was done, he took off his scrub cap and revealed a head of perfectly tousled hair. He stepped evenly across the floor and ended up right in front of her.

The last place she wanted him to be at this moment.

She stepped back and shook her head. He sent her a concerned glance which caused her to sigh deeply. "Mark, you told the chief I couldn't deal." She said blatantly.

Mark weaved his fingers into his hair and leaned back on the counter. He still didn't realize that he did something wrong and he intended to show it. "So?" He countered her accusation.

This enraged Meredith even further. "What do you mean, so?!" She yelled, her head throbbing and her stomach churning. "I was so scared for my job Mark! I was so scared that maybe I didn't deserve to be in one of the best programs of the country. Then today I find out that everything was happening because my boyfriend made it happen!"

He only broke out into a grin. He jutted his lower body out which caused Meredith to groan inwardly as she realized what she said. "I'm your boyfriend?" He asked quietly, his perfect smile never wavering.

"No! Yes?" She yelled. "I don't even know anymore!" Steam was practically escaping from her ears. "You think that this—any of this—is easy'? You think that I'm stupid or incapable in making my own choices? It's my life, Mark. If it involves me, include me in the decision."

"I was protecting you!" He said frustratingly, throwing his hands in the air. "I didn't think—"

Meredith stalked up to him and pushed her fist into his hard chest. "That's right, you didn't think." She fumed. "You thought you were being the hero. Snap back to reality, Mark. What you did made things even worse then I could handle." She snapped.

"You know, I get it now. Your whole life, you didn't know what it's like for someone to actually show they care about you." He said angrily, retreating for her feared he could hurt her more than he could recognize. "Well, open your eyes. This is it." It took a minute for Mark to finally realize the weight of his words. Meredith bit her lip and moved back. She was fighting tears and it was obvious to both of them. "Meredith, I didn't mean it that way…" He began apologetically.

"No, you're right." She shrugged sarcastically. "I'm just an ungrateful bitch. You've made that clear." She seethed. She pushed off his hand when it came in contact. Her eyes were stinging with tears. He closed the space between them and enveloped her in his arms.

They were so close; they could have shared the same skin. She finally broke down into tears as Mark kissed her forehead over and over again. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you." He sighed. He pushed away the hair on her face and kissed her between her eyes. "All I want to do is protect you."

"This is my way of letting you know I'm here if you need me, Mer." He said into her hair. Only then did she return the embrace. "Is it always this hard?" He said quietly after a few moments. "Relationships?"

"It doesn't have to be." She sighed, pulling away. She showed him a small smile. "I'm sorry I overreacted."

"I'm sorry I meddled." He grinned, brushing away her bangs.

"I forgive you." Meredith smiled. "I'll be back, okay? I really have to talk to Christina." She said quietly, Mark grabbed her hands, sensing her anxiety.

He grinned at her and kissed her cheek. "Go easy on her." He said. She pulled away and matched his grin with her own. She headed out and looked for Christina.

She finally found her leaning over the nurses' station, standing beside her boyfriend Owen. Christina was scowling and Owen brushing away the hair on her face. Meredith sighed in defeat, as she longed for that kind of freedom.

"Christina, can I talk to you?" She said dejectedly as she walked up to them. Owen nodded to Christina and smiled hello to Meredith.

"You're talking aren't you?" Christina said. Owen squeezed her hand and allowed them to talk alone.

Meredith nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." She said quietly, staring down at her shaking hands.

Christina only nodded.

"Are we okay?" Meredith asked nervously.

"Yeah. We're okay." She said.

Meredith gave a small smile at her best friend. "Good, we're okay." She said before walking off to head home.

"Mer!" Christina called, and as Meredith looked back she saw Christina running up to her. She raised an eyebrow which caused Christina to chuckle. "I'm glad you're happy. I really am." She smiled. "You deserve it."

"I guess I do." Meredith finally nodded and headed out into the rain.


	9. Chapter 9

The ER was absolute chaos.

An illegal meth lab had just exploded. The number of casualties was rising over 15 and none of the doctors knew what to do. Doctors and nurses were running around, trying to accommodate as much people as possible. Children were crying endlessly. Patients were screaming like there was no tomorrow. The most frightening thing? Maybe for them, there was no tomorrow.

Mark just finished his fourth surgery of the day, two had died on the table and two were still high risk. He was exhausted and all he wanted was to go home and sleep.

"Get her out of here!" He screamed angrily at the nurses, pointing at the relative that seemed to follow him around. "Get out!"

"Please doctor…I just want to know about my son…" The woman pleaded, her eyes scared and pained. "He was right in front…"

"Do I look like I have time?!" Mark yelled, at the end of his wits. "I've been in and out of surgery all day, lady. Leave me alone."

"Dr. Sloan!" Said a voice from behind him. Meredith's tone was demanding and angry, but that immediately changed when she stepped in between the two. "Nurse Debbie, can you please assist her?" She said, motioning the woman forward.

Debbie glared at the blonde doctor. She too had a lot on her hands at the moment, all the patients to take care of plus the pressure all the doctors were giving her. "Right this way." She said sarcastically. The two left Meredith and Mark alone, not one of them made a move.

Mark couldn't look at her, he couldn't speak and he could barely breathe. Meredith made no move to comfort him but instead crossed her hands over her chest and watched him. Mark lost the staring contest as he slid down to the floor, his back to the wall behind him. He buried his face in his hands and took a breath, something that seemed so impossible.

"What were you thinking?" She said, her face contradicting her voice. She wore an expression of pity and concern instead of anger. "Mark…she just wanted help."

Mark immediately bit his lip. He looked up at her with a disbelieving look in his eyes. "You know what? I do too, alright! I want help but no one knows a damn thing in this hospital!" He screamed at her. "Do you think it's easy?! I'm working with a bunch of invalids here!"

She didn't stumble. She didn't sway. She didn't leave. "You're tired, I get it."

"No you don't, Meredith. I just want to go home, except I can't do that because I don't have a home. The hotel is just full of assholes who want my money. I can't look for an apartment because I never have any fucking time!" He choked out painfully. "It's fucking New Year's Eve. I want to spend it anywhere but here."

"What is this really about Mark?"

Mark groaned inwardly. There was no fucking way he could tell her how he felt right at that moment for the fear she would just laugh at him. It had been a month since he last had…sex and honestly, Meredith being so close all the time wasn't helping.

Neither was the fact that she was three months and three weeks pregnant and glowing. Neither was the fact that he was turned on every single time he looked at her.

His eyes followed every curve of her body unashamed. He had finally stopped staring when Meredith coughed. He hoped she didn't notice. "I'm just tired" He sighed deeply, shaking his head. "Sorry, I didn't…"

"I know." She said, sitting down beside him. The small distance between them was enough for Mark's heart rate to speed up. He avoided looking at her, except even the smell of her was intoxicating. "We're all…stressed out." She smiled.

Her hand landed on his and he couldn't take it. He quickly pulled his hand away which caused Meredith to look at him questioningly. "Sorry, just a little jumpy." He said, though not lying.

She nodded unconvincingly. Meredith stood up and offered her hand, which he took. Mark tried to balance her when she pulled him up too quickly. It ended with her hands on his chest and his hands on her ass.

He quickly pulled away and shrugged it off, Meredith could feel her cheeks heat up. "Wrong idea, I guess." She murmured to herself. She looked at him self-consciously and automatically drew her hand to her stomach.

"When's the next appointment?" He asked, unsuccessfully trying to forget what happened. Her answer was interrupted by the ring of his beeper, he pulled it up and groaned. "Hey, I'll talk to you later? You're on Shepherd's service right?"

"Yeah" She said, a little disappointedly. "I am, why?"

"He was the one that paged me…maybe you should come; this might be your case too." He said. Meredith nodded and walked ahead.

Mark's eyes dropped to her ass as she walked in front of him and he had to suppress a groan.

00000

"You need the surgery." Derek said—obviously unnerved at Mark and Meredith's appearance.

"I just said I don't want it!" Sasha Munos suffered from four-degree burns, bruises from flying at least one block from the explosion, and to top it all off: she had a brain tumor because of being exposed to the meth. They found her a block away from the explosion site. She revealed that her husband was the one controlling the lab along with her brother, both of whom were now dead. She was rejecting every drug and any doctor that came in a 10 feet radius of her except Derek.

"Listen Mrs Munos, you need the surgery. Right now, with all options on the table—this is your only chance of survival." Derek said professionally though assertively.

"I don't care! I know I'm going to die, just let me die! Please…" Munos pleaded. Meredith's eyes met Derek's for a second she wondered why the woman denied any offered help.

Derek was no way answering or making it easier for her. "Dr Sloan will discuss the treatment plan with you…"

"Please…please…please…" She mumbled oddly. "I don't want it. I don't want it. Get out!" She said, rocking back and forth. She was curled up into a ball on her bed and shook with anger. "Get out!"

"Derek…" Meredith began in order to stop him from pushing Munos any further. In turn, Derek shot her an angry glare. Meredith shuffled from one foot to another, feeling heated and irritated.

"Let me handle this" He snapped. "And it's Doctor Shepherd, just because you seem to have forgotten." Mark noticed her unease and slowly backed away from the bed and closer to Meredith. It didn't help her that she noticed his obvious impulse to try and protect her.

"Doctor Shepherd, let's give Miss Munos the privacy she needs, shall we?" Mark said calmly. He looked pointedly at the door and was the first one to leave the room. Derek followed him by storming out the room, with Meredith quickly tailing behind.

"What the hell was that about?!" Derek yelled. "She needed—she needs that surgery. Her life depends on it and when I'm doing my job by convincing her to let me save her own life, all you do is lecture me about her needed privacy." He fumed, glaring at them both. Meredith felt herself shrinking under his gaze. "Believe me, I didn't want to be working this case with both of you either…but I don't get to choose. This is my patient, I decide on how I deal with her."

"You don't have to be such an asshole about it! You're a doctor, damn it! Start acting like one." Meredith screeched, her face going visibly a shade darker. Mark looked at her concernedly, her agitation was obviously unhealthy for a woman of her position.

"Mer…" He said soothingly, tracing circles on her back. It used to be something that would calm her down, as of the moment, it wasn't helping.

"I'll talk to her." Meredith said stubbornly. "Because unlike you, I know something called respect." She snapped. "You're acting like we don't want to save her life, we do Derek. She's scared, even I don't know the reason. But she's terrified of making a decision and sometimes, all you can do is support her. Give her some time to think, it's her life, it's her mistake. Let her make it on her own." She stormed back into the room, with the two men trailing behind her.

"Mrs Munos, have you decided on which course you are going to take?" Meredith asked. Sasha jumped up in shock and looked back and forth between the three doctors.

"I already made it clear that I don't want the surgery." She replied. "Will you doctors ever listen to what I have to say?"

"Not right now, not when it sounds like you're ready to die, Mrs Munos." Meredith said. "Right now, that's all your chances: living and dying. Which one do you really want to take?"

"I DON'T WANT THE SURGERY! I just want to go home to my bed and let me die in peace." She sighed, pushing her arms down onto the mattress. The pressure she was putting on herself was evident when her face went red.

"Can we know why?" Mark asked, speaking up for the first time. "Maybe the reasons will help us understand more…"

"God doesn't want me to live. I have sinned too much." Sasha said quietly, her revelation caused all the doctors to freeze over in shock. "I don't deserve to live." She whimpered. "I knew about Jerry and Grant and all the things they do—did-- in that room. I didn't stop it and many people died. My own baby almost died and I let it happen. For that, I don't deserve to live."

No one spoke, the tension in the room was palpable. Meredith, again, shifted from one foot to another and instinctively drew her small hand to the bump on her stomach. "You would leave your child all alone?" Meredith asked, her voice quivering. Mark gazed at her, noticing the emotion overflow in her voice.

Sasha didn't reply which caused Meredith to shiver. She felt her eyes heat up and looked at the patient intensely. "You're right. You don't deserve another chance at a life if you're going to abandon your own child." Meredith said angrily. She had to fight the urge to spit on the woman.

"You have no right…" She was interrupted by Meredith's angry, bitter words.

"His life must suck enough since he had to live through the whole ordeal of his father mixing illegal drugs. How do you think he'll survive if he looses his mother too?!" Meredith demanded her voice dangerously high.

"You don't know me." Sasha said. "You don't know my son."

She deliberately ignored her previous statement. "How old is he? Four? He's going to grow up thinking that he wasn't even a good enough reason for his mother to want to stay alive." She said painfully. "He's going to grow up thinking that he wasn't enough for you."

"Doctor Grey calm down." Mark said, though he was also fuming. Derek knew her well, he knew that it took incredible strength for her not to cry about something that was already so close to her own heart.

"You're going to let the baby live without anyone? You're going to let the child live in this cold, cruel world without a mother or a father?" Meredith said disbelievingly. "Now doing that would make you Satan." Mark pushed her back from the bed, knowing Meredith wouldn't hesitate to attack a visibly hurt patient. Mark's soft touch on her arm caused her to hiss in shock and she felt herself recoil when she realized what she was about to do.

"I LOVE MY BABY!" Munos declared. Derek strapped her down onto the bed, trying not to touch any of the burns which was quite impossible because her whole body would have severe scarring.

"So that's why you're leaving him?!" Meredith said.

"Meredith." Mark said more assertively this time. He dragged her out of the room

Derek appeared in the doorway a few seconds after, "What happened to letting her make her own faults?" He said sarcastically which caused the two to glare at him. Meredith quickly folded her arms on her chest, feeling a little too exposed at the moment.

"Would you have done the same thing?" Meredith whispered as Mark brought her closer to him and enveloped her in a comforting hug. "Would you?" She said, her voice scared and empty.

"Maybe not in those words." Mark shrugged, his voice equally as quiet. She rested her head on his chest and let him rub her back soothingly. "I understand where you're coming from though."

He let her go and she stood freely on her own. "I would like to be off the case, Doctor Shepherd." She said.

Derek merely nodded. "Okay." His reply surprised the both of them.

"Okay?" The blonde resident asked for confirmation.

"Yes, you may see yourself off the case." Derek repeated exasperatedly. Mark nodded in her direction, signaling that it was fine to leave. Meredith left the two surgeons to themselves and their silence.

"It's difficult for her isn't it?" Derek asked quietly, not exactly expecting an answer. Mark looked at him and searched his eyes for any form of regret or mourning. Derek seemed to have none.

Mark nodded. "Yes, it is extremely." He watched Meredith's retreating form in front of them. "But I'm handling it."

"She's a tough one." Derek said, pursing his lips together. "Not like anyone you've ever slept with."

Much to both of their surprise, Mark agreed. "You're right. She's not like anyone I've ever slept with and honestly, I really don't think sleeping together defines our relationship anymore." His voice was low and Derek could see a glint of hope in his eyes; something that also used to be his.

"I suppose." Derek choked out, feeling a rush of envy spiral through him. "She has that kind of effect on people." He admitted. "Something about her makes you care for her even if it was wrong, even if…it would meant hurting someone you loved. She lures you in and in the end you don't really feel guilty because you find out that she's all you need."

"I'm sorry." Mark said.

"Yeah, we all are." Derek said, rolling his eyes. "It's going to be a hell of a ride with her, Mark. A lot of bad things are going to happen, she's going to push you away, you're going to feel like crap, are you sure you're up to it?"

"Sure, lots of things are going to suck" His voice was confident and sincere. "But its life, bad things happen only so that we can remember what the good looks like."

"I guess the holidays seem to have had a certain effect on everyone."

00000000

It had been four hours and eight doctors later until Mark finally gave up. Sasha Munos would not budge, she rambled on and on about god and beliefs and her need to pay for her sins. Mark felt like he was going to kill her himself with his bare hands at his annoyance, Derek seemed to have the same feeling.

"I am tired. I want to go home. Its three hours until New Years and I want go…" Mark shouted to no one in particular, raising his hands up in the air. Derek eyed him curiously. "You know what?" He asked, finally stopping with his pacing. "I'm going to talk to her myself."

"Wait a moment there." Derek said surprised, as they both watched the next doctor walk out that room unsuccessfully. "What exactly are you going to say to her?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm going to tell her that I am fucking tired of her bitching. She still has a life, like the rest of us. She should start acting a little more thankful, don't you think?" Mark said, though serious in every sense of the word.

"I knew it would be a bad idea." Derek said judgingly. "Maybe we should improve that a bit…"

"Derek, I am exhausted. All I want to do is lie down and have a cold glass of beer in front of my TV. I know I'm exceptionally cranky right now, but honestly, at this very moment I don't fucking care." He yelled. He stalked into the room as Derek groaned.

Luckily, he spotted Meredith down the hall at the nurses' station talking to Christina, he called out her name and she looked up. When she began walking towards him, he felt his chest heave as he watched her rub her stomach. In that moment, he finally realized that maybe Mark's words applied to him too. Everyone was living their lives and he was left behind mourning about his loss.

"I think you should hear this." He said quietly, finally wanting to have the ability to move on. He directed her towards the room and both of them were welcomed with the sight of Mark rambling on and on.

Meredith looked ready to pull him back and make a quick move to quiet him, but the moment she heard his words she was stuck to the ground.

"I'm not a big believer in god, Mrs Munos." He said, his voice confident and his face cold. "I don't believe in the whole destiny thing either. So don't blame me if I find it incredibly dumb and pointless that you are ready to throw your life away just because of one tiny mistake." He glared. "Maybe it wasn't tiny, lets say it was colossal but how about what everyone keeps preaching, 'god is merciful, he'll give me another chance' and all that? Don't you think it would be an even bigger mistake to let your son grow up alone, with no guiding light or whatever you call yourself?

"Don't you think, that if god would ever hate anyone, it would be because you left your son willingly in the hours he needed you the most?" Mark questioned. "So enough about god and your beliefs, I'll tell you what I believe. You made a mistake. But you can still turn around and fix it, right now all you're doing is adding to the damage. You have to take responsibility. Your kid needs you, he needs his mother, without you there he'd grow up damaged" He said, raising his hands into the air. A sigh erupts from his throat. "You know what? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he doesn't need you, he'll probably become a damn great surgeon or whatever but without you there, it would be a thousand times scarier. Right now, right after he lost his father, I can say that he definitely doesn't need scary, right now, he needs some hope."

"Maybe you don't want to live, not because of god and all that, but because you're scared too. You know that you're probably not strong enough to deal with life. You're tired and you know that it's a thousand times easier to give up than deal with what's in front of you. I'll tell you that I completely agree, it is easier but it doesn't mean that it's right." He chokes out. "When you make a mistake, it always seems that you have three choices. You can let it define you. Or you can let it strengthen you. Or you can even let it destroy you. The question is, which road are you going to take?" Mark asked, finally noticing Meredith's presence for the first time. It made him happy to see that she looked deeply impressed.

Their eyes meet and Meredith responds with an encouraging smile. He darts back his attention to Sasha's achy voice. "Maybe I'm not ready…"

"That's the thing. Maybe you'll never be, but who ever was for something like this? But you can't expect the world to wait until you finally decide." He grumbled. "I'm going to give you five minutes to figure out that nothing is worth throwing your life away."

He and Meredith walked out of the room, leaving Derek behind with Sasha. He fell down into one of the chairs and Meredith sat down on the seat beside him. "Do you think that's all he needs? Hope?" Meredith asked, breaking he silence.

"I got by with less." Mark said, burying his face in his hands. "I'm sure you did too." He whispered. Her response was a short nod. "Hey, we better get you home." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

He stood up and held out his hand for her to grab. "I've been thinking… Do you think you might want to sleep at my place for the night?"

"What made you think about that?"

"Well, I guess you had a bad day and you were talking about how you wanted to go home somewhere other than the hotel. And it's the holidays; no one should be alone for the holidays." She smiled while she rambled.

"All right, for the sake of the holidays."

0000

Two movies and three bowls of popcorn, Izzie's fruitcake, two beers for Mark and chamomile tea for Meredith later, they could say that they were worn-out. Meredith drifted in and out of sleep the whole time. Her head rested on Mark's lap, after moving around a lot through the night.

He watched her sleep, he knew that what he was doing was wrong on so many levels but he couldn't control the connection between them. He learned that she often stirred around in her sleep, so he made it an excuse to hold her waist, making sure she wouldn't fall. He knew it would be better to carry her up to her bed and tuck her in, but he desperately wanted to stay with her. Letting her fall asleep on his lap would allow that.

He knew he loved her. The way she smiled at him, the way she could control his emotions unlike anyone else, were just small pieces of happiness that came after.

Mark closed his eyes as the countdown came on. He lowered the volume of the TV. As the screams outside the house grew louder, he dropped his head and whispered "Happy New Year, Mer." He sighed.

Five…four…three…

He didn't know what compelled him to kiss her but he honestly wasn't thinking about that at the moment. He pressed his lips against hers for a few seconds and leaned back and closed his eyes again.

Fireworks were going off in his heart.


End file.
